Ok, so I was going to do a "real" post, entitled "Small Goals ---> Big Goals" but then I realized that I couldn't manage to organize my thoughts into a "real" post, as the semester is over and I'm busy regrouping for the work that will happen once the Time of Regeneration is done. Here's the thing about me - I need the Time of Regeneration, as does anybody who's going to be productive. I know, you all think: That Crazy, she's a machine! She doesn't need to take a time-out! She has all her shit together! This is so not true. The fact of the matter is, what I do is run myself into the ground and then I sleep for like a week.
See, this goes back to the thing about people being amazed at my productivity. It's true. I do make myself do things that others seem not to manage. Yes, I am the person who managed to organize one allied MLA panel, one special session proposed panel, to write a review, and to finish my book manuscript in a month's time. During the semester. When I was teaching three courses, one of which was a writing course. Yep, that's me. And then I spent the next month catching up on all of the work that I didn't do during that time. And I have an atrocious amount of service that I do. Yep, that's me. But at the end of the semester, I do crash. I am not, though I would like to have people believe that I am, a machine.
You must remember, as I list off all of these things that I'm not in a relationship, I don't have kids, and that I have only the most pathetic of social lives. That said, I'm really fucking productive! Oh yes I am! But here's the thing: all of that productivity is really about allowing myself to take these long (or at least I think they're long) periods of rest in which I sleep every three hours and I don't do crap. See, here's the thing about me: yes, I'm very good at being motivated when I need to be, but I'm also very good at resting when I've accomplished the things on the to-do list. Blame it on being one of the lonely people, blame it on being a totally self-centered only child, blame it on what you will, but this is who I am. I can work myself up into a lather of productivity, but I also am a person who can laze about without guilt. That's the fun of me. (Except clearly there is some guilt, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this.)
Of what has the lazing consisted, since grades were submitted?
tv-watching, but that's pretty much the long and the short of it. And, after doing this for about four days, yes, I am feeling a bit rejuvenated. And yes, I realize it's a luxury that I can spend four full days doing this crap. Whatever. The point here is that this is what Crazy does to rejuvenate.
So why am I a good goal-setter? It's because I've got the freedom to crash at the end of it. It's because I choose to be in debt rather than to pay off my debt by teaching summer school. It's because ultimately the "person" to whom I'm ultimately responsible is a cat. (By the way, we've had a lot of qual. time over the past few days.)
(Incidentally, I feel like this is a much more aggressive post than I meant it to be. Maybe I need to go to sleep again. Too bad that with all of the napping I don't actually feel tired.)
1 year ago