Thursday, May 10, 2007

Insert Title Here

Ok, so I was going to do a "real" post, entitled "Small Goals ---> Big Goals" but then I realized that I couldn't manage to organize my thoughts into a "real" post, as the semester is over and I'm busy regrouping for the work that will happen once the Time of Regeneration is done. Here's the thing about me - I need the Time of Regeneration, as does anybody who's going to be productive. I know, you all think: That Crazy, she's a machine! She doesn't need to take a time-out! She has all her shit together! This is so not true. The fact of the matter is, what I do is run myself into the ground and then I sleep for like a week.

See, this goes back to the thing about people being amazed at my productivity. It's true. I do make myself do things that others seem not to manage. Yes, I am the person who managed to organize one allied MLA panel, one special session proposed panel, to write a review, and to finish my book manuscript in a month's time. During the semester. When I was teaching three courses, one of which was a writing course. Yep, that's me. And then I spent the next month catching up on all of the work that I didn't do during that time. And I have an atrocious amount of service that I do. Yep, that's me. But at the end of the semester, I do crash. I am not, though I would like to have people believe that I am, a machine.

You must remember, as I list off all of these things that I'm not in a relationship, I don't have kids, and that I have only the most pathetic of social lives. That said, I'm really fucking productive! Oh yes I am! But here's the thing: all of that productivity is really about allowing myself to take these long (or at least I think they're long) periods of rest in which I sleep every three hours and I don't do crap. See, here's the thing about me: yes, I'm very good at being motivated when I need to be, but I'm also very good at resting when I've accomplished the things on the to-do list. Blame it on being one of the lonely people, blame it on being a totally self-centered only child, blame it on what you will, but this is who I am. I can work myself up into a lather of productivity, but I also am a person who can laze about without guilt. That's the fun of me. (Except clearly there is some guilt, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this.)

Of what has the lazing consisted, since grades were submitted?
Yep, I think that's it. Sure, I've done some phone-talking, and some tv-watching, but that's pretty much the long and the short of it. And, after doing this for about four days, yes, I am feeling a bit rejuvenated. And yes, I realize it's a luxury that I can spend four full days doing this crap. Whatever. The point here is that this is what Crazy does to rejuvenate.

So why am I a good goal-setter? It's because I've got the freedom to crash at the end of it. It's because I choose to be in debt rather than to pay off my debt by teaching summer school. It's because ultimately the "person" to whom I'm ultimately responsible is a cat. (By the way, we've had a lot of qual. time over the past few days.)

(Incidentally, I feel like this is a much more aggressive post than I meant it to be. Maybe I need to go to sleep again. Too bad that with all of the napping I don't actually feel tired.)


luolin said...

Even some of those of us who are less productive still crash at the end of the semester.

One of my goals is not to get in a financial position where I feel I have to teach summer session. It doesn't pay that well here, so most of my tt and tenured colleagues use the summer to do their research.

Earnest English said...

Yay for crashing! Yay for you admitting it. I feel so much better. Right some folks are amazed at my diss progress, but really it's just that after I turn in the second draft, I plan to not get out of bed for a week.

Anonymous said...

I don't know if it seemed aggressive to me but I really like the honesty of this post. I sort of lack the opportunity to crash. Or, at least, crashing looks like I do nothing but my full-time job cooking, cleaning and wiping runny noses for a while. which isn't exactly the same as lazing around watching television but it is a break from academic work. Anyway, I like the way you lay out honestly what productivity looks like for you and how it's accomplished.

Monica said...
This comment has been removed by the author.