Can I Be More Frustrated?

I need to get out of this funk of a bitchy mood that I'm in. But since last I posted, the day, if possible, got more frustrating. First, I decided to go to Target, thinking I'd cheer myself up with some shopping. And I filled up a whole basket full of crap, and then I decided that I shouldn't buy any of it because it was all dumb. So I left without buying anything. I then went to PetSmart to buy the Man-Kitty different wet food (and yes, he gets both wet and dry, because I'm a sucker), because apparently he's gone off what I've got in the house. Damned finicky kitty! But at least he'll be happier now. If he loves one thing, it is the flavor of chicken.

But then I realized I needed to get gas. That was annoying. So I came home feeling disgruntled, and I thought, I know, I'll get the Amy Winehouse CD on iTunes. It just came out today. And then I fucking downloaded the clean version by accident. It's been such a bullshit day! What I need is explicit lyrics! Dammit!

The fact of the matter is that today wasn't bad. I taught good classes I think, and I really did get a lot accomplished, and my meeting with my chair was good, and really, what the fuck do I have to complain about? It's just... I'm pissed off about a bunch of different things, all of which taken on their own are no big deal but taken together have made me Crazy with Rage. I don't want to grade (and I should), I don't want to write (and I should), I don't want to ANYTHING.

That said, even the clean version of this CD is pretty awesome. And yes, of course I'm going to end up buying the explicit version, too, because I piss away money.

God. This was such a more fun blog like a day ago. I blame my uterus (and yes, I realize that's TMI, but whatever) and I blame that I let little things get to me too much. You know, I really try to be a positive person. I really do. And I think I for the most part succeed. But some days just blow, for no apparent reason.

It doesn't help that I am so overwhelmed at the moment. And then I get into the whole, "I must flagellate myself for putting myself into the overwhelmed position, because it's all my fault that I am," and that only makes things worse.

And yes, I would have felt better had I taken time to work out today. But napping won out.

So ok. I have to think about what's good. What is good?

The weather's nice. It's not going to stay quite this nice, but it won't be wintery really anymore.

I'm teaching cool stuff in my classes.

My hair is growing, and I'm feeling like it's looking pretty fabulous (except that I also feel like I need to freshen up the highlights. My hair is naturally blonde, but it's naturally a dark blond, and I've gone the way of the highlighting so as to have summer-hair year-round. This is good except for at this time of year, when I actually notice having roots, which I don't really have at other times of year. I hate roots.)

I've looked very cute for school the past couple of days, and that always is a good thing, especially since I was in a winter rut with the dressing, wearing jeans to teach most days prior to break.

I feel like everybody here (who knew about my going on the market) is really happy that I'm not getting a new job.

I'm going to England in July. And I'm getting good money to do so. That's awesome. Which reminds me: I really need to get in touch with my friend who lives in England and whose term ends the weekend of my conference, and who promised to take me to Wales and Scotland while I'm there, which means that I'll get a plane ticket's worth of money in order not only to attend a conference but also to have more of a vacation than I've had, well, ever.

I'm back in touch with my friend K. from grad school, which is something that happened in part because of having gotten the book contract (also a good thing) because she published a book last year with the same press. I'm really happy we're back in touch.

The Man-Kitty is in a much better mood with me back in school. He is currently playing next to me with a shish kabob skewer (which I know is not an appropriate cat toy but my mom is one for dangerous "toys" and he fell in love with it when she gave it to him, and when he plays with it he's like one of those juggler guys with sticks and it's really fun to watch him).

I've gotten back into the work-out and eating reasonably well place, which I know is a good thing and I know makes me feel infinitely better.

I got 50 bucks today for textbooks that I sold to one of those textbook buy-back guys.

I'm not Britney Spears.

I'm in the home stretch of the semester. Sure, that home stretch will last for seven weeks, but whatever. It's still the home stretch.

Dude, I still feel bitchy, even after the counting of the blessings. Maybe my friend A. will make me feel better. She just called.