Except for of course it's not a "real" post, as it's really just a warming up to write post. After my 4:30 wake-up call, I did manage to go back to sleep for about 4 hours (yay!) and got my day off to a bit of a leisurely start because I didn't need to go in to teach this morning. So, since awaking, I went to the bank, went and got coffee (Mmmm.... ventisugarfreevanillanonfatlatte.... mmmmm), went to the grocery store. All things I needed to do, admittedly, (well, except the coffee) but I am feeling a bit guilty for the fact that in doing them it means that the writing day is starting at 11:30-12:00 rather than earlier, esp. as I do need to go into the office for a meeting at 3:30 - actually, a bit before in order to take care of some things there. Tonight, I've got about 10 papers to grade, so yes, it's back to the marathon work schedule that I've been keeping. I'm trying to keep things in perspective - all of this will be better in a week or two, it's just that the time of the semester is coinciding with other difficult things, and so of course I'm going to feel a little bit overextended, but it won't be this way forever - but perspective's not easy when one is overwhelmed. Just have to keep checking things off the list.
Also, I'm finding it helpful to turn my stress into mild resentment of others who have embarassments of riches. I've got this friend (oh, who am I kidding, it's my Object of Infatuation, and I shall be Infatuated with him for eternity, just as I've remained infatuated with my One True Love from grad school, for once I choose to be irrationally devoted to a person that devotion remains steadfast and true even if I try to say that it doesn't and even if I've not seen or spoken to the person since 1999) who finished his teaching FOR THE ACADEMIC YEAR on Friday. Yeah, that's right. He's DONE. DONE UNTIL SEPTEMBER. He's kind of freaking out about "how will I handle the unstructured time" issue, and you know what? Cry me a river! (That said, I know I suck with unstructured time, but given my current situation, I'd rather just be pissy that I don't have unstructured time, even though it would ultimately be very bad for me.) So yes, feeling a sense of moral superiority about being in the trenches at a university that has the longest semesters ever and that has (some) vastly underprepared students and that works me like a slave is somehow helping. See, I'm a "good person" because of the job that I do - it's not just about doing the job well but actually about martyring myself for the cause of students who would not otherwise get as good of an education. I am really a humanitarian in the manner of Angelina Jolie! See? Life gives you lemons and you make lemonade. Or, if you're my friend, life gives you lemonade and you somehow sift all the sugar out to turn it into face-puckering lemon juice. Maybe the answer for him would be to add vodka? Vodka and lemonade can be quite nice, if I remember back to college-style drinking habits.... Ooh, lemon drops! Those are lovely!
Ok, probably bad that I'm thinking about drinking at 11:26 AM. But can you blame me? I mean, in theory, I've got to send the completed book manuscript off in a week! A week! A MOTHERFUCKING WEEK!
I suppose I should go and write something.
The review! It is done! The meeting! It is being rescheduled! Should I probably go into the office anyway? Meh - nothing pressing to make me go there. Should I work on the Mansuscript? Yes, but I'm trying to decide what work I want to do - perhaps my first step should be to make a list of what work I have left to do, which I probably should have done last week. Should I grade? Of course, but I think the first step with the grading needs to be organizing the papers into conference order. Oh, and it turns out I only NEED to grade 5 for tomorrow. Should I prep for tomorrow? Yeah, I should. At least for the one class - the other class I actually did most of the prep for yesterday. Should I go to the gym? Yes, and I will do that... just need to decide what time I'd like to go. Should I do laundry? I do desperately need to do laundry, but since it's warming up again after tomorrow, it's not pressing, as I can break out the warm-weather clothes that are clean. But can I say how proud I am that I finally finished that review? That I've checked that one big thing off my list? Woohoo!
1 year ago