Do you people realize it's FRIDAY? I need more time! Don't want to go back! Sure, I've had the minor diversion of an all-consuming infatuation, but other than that? All I've been doing is work (which probably contradicts the "all-consuming" in the previous sentence, but whatever - I feel consumed, though in a good way).
Work, work, and more fucking work. I've had no break! I've not had any time to relax! And you know, as much as infatuations are lovely, they're not relaxing! (It's all the having to create the other person out of a combination of projection and hanging on every word they write or utter, always in relation to one's own narcissistic self - very time-consuming and energy-sapping, that is. Fun, at moments even more than fun, but not relaxing.)
So today I do need to do work, which may or may not include writing. I'm thinking that maybe the reading of novels is a better choice if I'm trying to relax than writing. And then I'll go to the gym (which isn't exactly relaxing, but it does reduce stress, which has to be a good thing). And then maybe I'll have an email to moon over from the person to whom I still have not assigned a pseudonym (though I have been considering it a bit, and I do think I know what I might choose should I bestow this honor upon him, though we all know that the moment that I do he will disappear into the ether, sort of like how if one goes on the pill in a whole "let's take this to the next level" thing for a guy that one immediately stops having sex, which is the real secret of birth control pills and their level of effectiveness, I sometimes think....). And then tonight I'll go to dinner and the movies. Planning on seeing Zodiac, which I both want to do and also which I'm a little concerned about, as I think it might make me scared, and I really don't like a movie that scares me because then I am too freaked out to go to sleep or when I do go to sleep I have bad dreams, and yes, well, I'm going against my better judgment in seeing it, though usually for movies that freak me out it is better for me to see them in a theater because at least I'm with other people and not sitting by myself watching the dvd of something that's freaking me out.
But so yes. I think that's the end of this post, a post designed mainly to get the kind of pathetic call for close reading off the top of the blog. I mean, yesterday it was funny, but today it's time for it not to be this blog's focal point. Also, in other Person without a Pseudonym news, apparently he directed friends of his to my blog so that they might analyze me and/or the situation from a perspective that is not the perspective of the P w/o a P. I've been trying not to think about this since yesterday, though I suppose it's what I get for keeping this blog and getting myself into this particular situation. Be that as it may, I'm still trying not to think about this.
Ok, I truly need to go and accomplish something or I'll be very angry with myself.
1 year ago