Had to get the whinging off the top of the page. I do thank you all for the supportive responses, and again, writing that post really did help me to get my head around a lot of stuff. I'm still thinking, formulating a plan, but, for the moment, on to brighter topics.
I've made my list of things to do, I've accomplished three of them (and yes, one was showering, but come on - sometimes even that is an accomplishment), and now I'm on to accomplish more! More! (Yes, I'm trying to give myself a bit of a pep talk.)
In other news, it occurs to me that the ball of stress that I have become (knot in stomach, tension in shoulders, no appetite, too much caffeine), while totally unhealthy, may have the same result that becoming a ball of stress had in my first year of the PhD program: after that first year, I looked better than I've ever looked before or since. Stress as beauty regimen? Perhaps not wise, but nonetheless, if there can be any positive result of feeling this way, this is good, yes? And after that first year, I then had what I like to think of as The Golden Age of Crazy - suitors beating down the door, excitement, intrigue, all those things that make it possibe to sustain oneself in this otherwise monastic existence of Leading a Life of the Mind. Hmmm.... I am intrigued by the possibilities of this return to angst and desperation. Perhaps I will have my Second Golden Age of Crazy in just a few short months?
I'll tell you what: If I do enter into the Second Golden Age of Crazy, I'm totally cutting all my hair off. Not that it's long now, but it's been about 10 years since I had this haircut, and it really did look smashing on me, if I do say so myself. That said, I need to be a thinner me to rock that haircut, so the Dr. Crazy Stress Diet really might be essential to making that happen.
I wish it were about 20 degrees warmer outside. Spring is just not springing quickly enough.
1 year ago