When in Doubt, Do Not Do the Following on a Friday Night

1. Talk to your mother on the phone about things that are going on in your life.
2. Decide upon that conversation ending that you should drink a bunch of wine while having a good chat with your friend Naomi. (Nothing wrong with the having a good chat or the wine, necessarily, but in combination after the mother conversation? And after you didn't really eat dinner? Yeah, not wise.)
3. Call up your FB and tell him gossip that you heard 4th hand about things he may or may not have done in grad school like 10 years ago. Oh, and why did you hear this gossip? Because you and Naomi decided to have her friend who went to FB's grad school institution for undergrad sleuth around for you. And do you even care about the gossip? No, you just liked the idea of the world being that small. Because you are an asshole. Needless to say, FB was not happy with you after you blabbed all of your news to him, and he also did not find you charming in your drunken state.
4. Get off the phone with FB, keep drinking, and proceed to have a super-drunk conversation with I. in which you tell I. all about FB.
5. Decide to call FB back (at 3 AM). He of course did not answer.
6. Decide you should take a shower before you go to sleep. Even though it's 3 AM. Thank god I didn't drown myself or slip or something.

So yeah. I'm a ridiculous person. Do not do the things that I do, or you, too, will become ridiculous.