Thursday, June 14, 2007

Still Impatient, But Also Somehow Productive, But Also Kind of Enraged That I Must Do Work

I have channeled my impatience into productivity, it seems. I met with my insurance agent to make sure my coverages were in line with what they should be, I got some reading done, I spent some quality time at the pool (and am considering going back to the pool, as it is HOT AS BALLS and I can't imagine doing anything but lying around and swimming when it's too hot to lie around), and I had a decent lunch. Yes, all in all, a pretty good day considering how cranky the whole enterprise started off. The problem is that all I want to do is to be on vacation. I don't want to have to do work - even if "work" in this case is reading what is really a very interesting novel. I want to read magazines and hang out and have fun. Is that so wrong? I keep trying to remind myself that I will have complete freedom to do just that as soon as it's July, but somehow this is not making me feel any better. I suppose I'm having a slight problem with delayed gratification right now. I mean, Jesus! It is SUMMERTIME! Wasn't this what I was waiting for all academic year long as I slogged along? Isn't now supposed to be the Time of Gratification? Not the Time of Postponed Gratification? The whole thing makes me feel like one never just gets to have the gratification but is always waiting around for when it will come only it never comes because instead one always has some novel to read or some article to revise or some book to write or some conference paper to deliver. This is not my idea of a good system. No, it is not. I want to be lazy, dammit! Lazy!

Ok, rant over. I'm going to go do work now, even though by "do work" what I probably mean is "take a nap."

3 comments:

phd me said...

Me, too...in the worst way.

undine said...

I feel the same way. When does the summer vacation fun start? If you're an academic, that's a trick question, because the answer is "never."

"Maude Lebowski" said...

i know, i totally concur. i feel like i'm "owed" a vacation (and a new computer for that matter) because i've been busting my ass on my diss for months now (consistent rather than sporadic months), and i think i should hurry up and finish so i can have a real break, but by the time i'm done, i'll have to work on job apps and stuff. so i self destruct/sabotage with mini breaks like my twice a week alcohol binges which i've found small immediate gratifications just simply delay even more the larger delayed gratification. sigh. i think my need for a break is underscored by the fact that this comment is long and makes no sense.