Anticipation

I've been thinking a bit about "anticipation" over the past couple of days, and the feeling of nervous energy combined with incredible laziness that accompanies this state of mind when I experience it. I think, actually, that I'm not usually much of an anticipator of things. I'm a goal-setter, I'm a planner, I'm a controller. If one has those qualities, one doesn't often indulge in "anticipation," I'm thinking. That kind of forward looking - the kind that is decidedly unproductive and that involves spending uncountable hours thinking about things like wardrobe while not doing the things that one needs to get done, like a conference paper - well, I don't often allow myself the luxury of anticipation.

But I've got some stuff going on that has inspired me to anticipate (and to procrastinate about writing the conference paper). What's going on? What is Crazy anticipating?

• An out-of-town visitor, who will arrive tomorrow! Hurrah!
• The journey to my parents' with the Man-Kitty.
• The trip to the UK, which will include about 20% work and 80% visiting and traveling around with my dear friend G., and I think we can only characterize that 80% as vacation-like (although it won't entirely be a vacation, as I'll be working on some stuff for the book as well as for a class I'm thinking of teaching).
• The return to my parents' which will involve the grand reunion with the Man-Kitty and also at least one night of grand going out with my girls! Hurrah!

And so yeah. I'm spending my time thinking about what I'll wear, mooning around about possible scenarios (both positive and negative) for all of the above, and just generally... anticipating. If I didn't know better, I'd have to characterize my attitude as almost hopeful. As if I think that I'm on the brink of a time of great possibility. What the hell is wrong with me? I thought I stopped believing in this whole "possibility" nonsense at least 5 years ago. Don't worry, I am certain that I will return to my jaded senses sooner or later. I always do.