Ok, so if the past 36 or so hours are any indication, finishing the MLA Special Session proposal pushed me over the edge. I hit my breaking point, and, in a rare though not entirely unheard of occurrence, I lost all desire to communicate with other human beings. (This happened last year after the last candidate visit for the search committee I was on, and I feel like it happens every year in the spring for some reason or another, actually. Hmmm....)
So yesteray, I did not blog. I did not send emails. I did not answer the phone. Sure there were a few (a small few) exceptions to the above, but all in all, yep, I took a fucking break from communicating. (Have I ever mentioned my theory that communication actually can cause more problems than it solves? That ultimately talking, talking, talking doesn't make anything better but kills things that are great? While the theory doesn't apply to all situations, it applies to more than people in our communication-obsessed culture would like to admit, I think.)
Tragically, today must be all about the communication because of trying to opt out yesterday. Must smoothe things over with Trans Am (whom I ignored yesterday, but jesus, he's not my boyfriend and I don't need to talk to him every damned day), must grade some things, must respond to many emails and actually send some emails of my very own that are not responses.
I'm going to try to get all of the above done in by noon - or at the very latest 2 PM. And then I'm going to go back to not speaking. I just need to recharge. I need to be in a place where I actually want to speak to people. This is the problem with having a social life even as one has a job where people are constantly in your face and where you constantly have to use words - it's just too much. I can do the job without a social life, and I can do a social life without the job, but doing them both at the same time makes me fly off the handle and feel just completely.... not myself, or like the life is being sucked out of me or something.
(You know, maybe this is one reason why I've not taken the plunge and gotten myself a shrink - other than that I've not felt like therapy was the answer for me right now or whatever.... I'm a pretty communicative and reflective person, generally, but the thought of making an appointment and paying to fucking talk to somebody about my problems when one of my biggest problems is having to fucking talk to so many people seems counterintuitive. What I feel like I need most is not to talk more but just to shut the fuck up.)
6 years ago