Friday, October 31, 2008

This, Too, Shall Pass?

I've been an emotional wreck lately (nothing's actually "wrong" and I'm ok... just weepy and fly-off-the-handle-y and sort of raw feeling) and so I don't really have anything I feel like blogging about. I think I'm going to take a break this weekend and see where that leaves me.

The one thing that I will say is this: book publication + being in your tenure year can really fuck a person up. You think it's going to be all happy and whatever, and while it sort of is, it's also sort of horrifying on a really deep level (at least for me). Once I've processed how I feel about it all more I'll write something about it, but at this point, I don't even know where I'd begin. I'll say this, though: the horrifyingness of all this? Not unlike how I felt in the home stretch of my dissertation. And let's note that I was such a monster during that period that I ruined the relationship with the person with whom I was living and basically lost it for about a six month period. Let's hope that I'm not the same person that I was during that period of time and that I've grown at least a little bit.


Arbitrista said...

There worse things than writing a dissertation???

oh god

Virginia S. Wood, PsyD said...

Yes, you are OK, and no, there's not anything really wrong. Yet you are going nuts. We don't go nuts for no reason. I think you are probably right to attribute this to getting the book to the publishers and your tenure portfolio to the committee. So don't blog, if you don't feel like it, but for heaven's sake do some sharing somewhere with somebody. Get some support.

My word verification is "squallia", which if it isn't a word, should be. It reminds me what my grandmother used to say: That a good squallerin' (cry, in case you aren't Southern) does a girl a world of good. So have one if you need one.

In the meantime, we'll all be thinking about you, sending good vibes your way, and waiting for you to rejoin us on Monday.

Susan said...

Yes, I'd been thinking about the tenure year stuff. It does tend to send the anxiety levels up the yazoo. So be nice to yourself in whatever way you need to.

With both the book and tenure, what is happening is that you're waiting for other people to tell you that you are as good as you are. And that's amazingly difficult. Of course with the book, you won't hear anything from the reviews for at least a year, but that's another story!

Fabio Sundeen said...

You are so accomplished, so magnificent, and those of us who read but merely lurk should pop our heds up. When we hear that YOU are a wreck we wonder where we can be, because we're nowhere near a book, tenure, and all the blessings you have earned by grit of your own will and power.

We love you. Keep doing your thing.