Monday, October 27, 2008

Remember How I Said I Was Feeling Good But Boring? Yeah, Well, in My World, That's Often a Warning Sign

It's not that I haven't been feeling good and boring, but I suppose that I'm not altogether terribly comfortable with that particular combination of feelings. It usually means that I feel like I'm not doing anything that I care very much about, or like I don't actually have control over most parts of my life. So, although all would seem to be calm when I have the good but boring feelings, it is in fact true that it usually means a tantrum of some sort is brewing, to be unleashed at an unsuspecting person, for how could a person suspect what was coming when I've been so good but boring of late?

To make a long story short, yesterday I was a bit of a jerk, had a good cry, felt sorry for myself for nearly the entire day, and then slept horribly.

The good news is that I think I figured out that the problem is one of feeling like I'm not in control of my own life, and so what I really need to do is to start thinking about how I can feel more in control in more areas (a) and to start thinking about long-range things that I want to have in my life and how I need to use the things I can control to get those things (b). This won't fix everything, but it's a start.

In other news, Crazy does not do well with change - even change that isn't really a change of much of anything - at all. Not. At. All.

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