I find myself wanting to give songs on Pandora that I don't like the thumbs up because I know I'm "supposed" to like the band. I also find myself feeling like I shouldn't give the thumbs up to Avril Levine (for example - and I apologize if I'm spelling her name wrong - I totally don't have the energy to look up how to spell her last name), even if, say, I was rocking out to the song before I went to check and see who it was.
The question is, who do I think is going to care what songs I like? It's not like anybody else sees the songs that I rate on Pandora. Who do I think I have to impress?
I do think, however, that this impulse is not unlike my impulse to cheat at solitaire. It also may have something in common with my teen-aged habit of looking at myself in the mirror when I would cry after a fight with my mom, because it mattered that I looked good crying... alone in my room?
That said, I'm done with the Binder until Monday. Which means that I can relax and think about all of the ways in which I'm ridiculous, which is infinitely more enjoyable than thinking of all the ways one can present one's ridiculous self so as to appear worthy of tenure.
3 years ago