Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Well, so. I came home early this afternoon, spent quality time watching some NKOTB and Nick Lachey Behind the Music with the Man-Kitty and his faithful sidekick Mr. Stripey, found out that the dishwasher wasn't actually broken - it was just testy for me - and napped. And I don't feel any better.

I'm beginning to wonder if this is some post-turning-in-the-Binder funk, combined with a knowing-that-the-book-comes-out-this-month (fingers crossed) funk. I mean, there's nothing actually wrong. My classes went fine today, and things are going along fine in other areas as well. I just don't feel... myself. I feel whiny and pathetic and like I wish somebody were around to take care of me.

Ok, well, that's not true about nothing being wrong though. There's the news about my uncle being terminally ill rattling around in the back of my head, and I found out that the Collection Article that Languishes is actually further from publication than it was 3 months ago. That shouldn't be so upsetting to me as it is, but it's just depressing to have put so much work into something and for it to be trapped inside of the Collection that Languishes. Who even knows if it's interesting anymore. I had that idea nearly five years ago. I wrote the original version of the article like three or four years ago. It's just depressing to me that it sits there gathering dust. And I still haven't heard about what's up with the article under review at Fancy Journal, and that waiting is depressing to me, too, but I can't legitimately inquire about it again until like Nov. 1 at the earliest. Sigh.

But enough of this whining.

I did manage to make myself a delicious and healthy stirfry for dinner, which I am about to eat. Perhaps this shall improve my mood? I will say, I am excited about all of the cooking that I'm doing and that the healthy foods are not rotting in the refridgerator. This is positive. And tomorrow begins the Workout Regime.

People asked what I plan on doing. It's got to be the gym. It's the only way to motivate myself. I can say I'll walk places as opposed to driving, but I won't do it. I can say I'll get up and out in my neighborhood, but once I enter my home, I cannot be trusted to leave it. Or if I do, I'll cheat and not work out for as long as I should. And biking doesn't work for me because I'm shitty at riding a bike. Was as a kid. I was the kid who had no coordination or balance, and careened wildly out of control and ran into parked cars and stuff. No, biking in the world would not work.

So, it's the treadmill, the stationary bike, and the elliptical for cardio, and the circuit of machines for strength stuff. I'm not a fan of any sort of group exercise - far from motivating me, it makes me feel like a dufus. So the plan is that I'm going to start out with a half-hour a day, and work my way up to an hour. Tomorrow morning I will weigh myself, and I'll also start with the food diary. And that, my friends, is Operation Fitness.

I just have to keep telling myself that this is a priority and that if I can't make myself a priority for one hour a day, then something is wrong.

So tonight: I need to get the gym bag ready, and I need to schedule my workouts for the week in my planner. I also need to find my iPod armband thingie and earphones, and I need to maybe update my workout playlists. Oh, and I should find that journal that I was using for the food diarizing earlier this year - no sense in starting a new one.

It would help if I wasn't feeling so fussy and miserable, but perhaps the exercise endorphins will do their magic and make me not fussy and miserable.


Inside the Philosophy Factory said...

Exercise could help.

Does your gym have a pool? It is a good alternative once in a while -- swimming can be very much like meditating.

Also, water aerobics classes are a good option.. because your legs are under the water, so the rest of the class can't see you looking like a dork. Also, it is often the province of old women, so you'll feel very young!

Dame Eleanor Hull said...

I don't like exercising with other people either. But this post is encouraging me to get off my duff and go do something now, since this morning didn't go as planned. I hope your program will go as you plan it.

Bardiac said...

Good luck getting over the funk. I'm thinking that if I can last 11 more weeks, it will be break time. Right? Please, please tell me I can make it!

Clancy said...

When I join a gym, I do a pretty good job of going regularly. I can't STAND it when money, food, or anything else goes to waste, so I go to justify the expense.

Fifi Bluestocking said...

I totally hear as I have my own article in a Collection that Languishes. This was from a conference paper in 2004, which was based on a diss chapter I wrote in 2003. Sigh.

Fifi Bluestocking said...

"Totally hear you", I mean. Jesus.

Dr. Crazy said...

Fifi: My article was from a 2004 conference paper, too.... Wouldn't it be wacky if we are both in the same collection? Send me an email if you'd like to compare notes! (reassignedtime at gmail)