So the day began with the stupid argument and meltdown with my mom. The day continues with what appears to be the definitive demise of my fake relationship. Emotions are running close to the surface; I feel stressed and pissed off and alone. And the only thing that makes any sense is this stupid job, and let me tell you: I'm sick of this stupid job being the only thing that makes sense, especially because it's one of the biggest reasons that I can't seem to make sense of the other parts of my life.
But so I'm indulging in some self-pity, and I'm wallowing in the demise of the fake relationship, and tomorrow I'll stop with the indulging and wallowing and start with the repressing and the moving on. Sounds like a fun way to start the week, no? At least it's fall break, so I won't need to put on the happy face for students. Thank God for small favors.
12 years ago
8 comments:
Hang in there Crazy. Out with the fake and in with the real. You love your job, with all of the bullshit it entails, because it gives you the freedom to be and think what you want. It's okay to let it be your north star at times, I think. Doesn't mean you are choosing the job over people or anything, really.
Your mom will always be there, so just give that time!
In short--just thought I would delurk and say "it's gonna be okay!" Never underestimate the power and beauty of fall break. (just ending mine).
You need lockdown, my friend, and perhaps a cathartic lockdown post! (As the world also needs to know about lockdown.)
It's going to be okay, truly truly.
I hope tomorrow brings better!
I don't know what to say about the job. I feel the same way sometimes about work being the one ok thing, and that not being all that comforting.
Oh Crazy, I'm sorry. For the record, I think it's really really really really really hard to make fake relationships real. (This is not to diss online meetings; I met my husband online.) But online + long distance is really really really hard, no two ways about it. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I'm sorry about all of this, Dr. C. :(
I want to know about lockdown, though, because I think it sounds like something I would need from time to time, too.
Hang in there -- what you are mourning with FB is the loss of a potential relationship... it is kind of like seeing someone a couple of times and then finding out they eat cats or something, you can and should mourn the possibilities, but -- at least you didn't get any further than the FB stage.
I had the unusual position of chatting with my MIL after a FB-type relationship went bad. Her view was that it is ok to have them once in a while, as it shows you that you are still interesting to men....
Go hide out for a while, read books you want to read and nap with Man-Kitty. The world won't collapse if you don't check e-mail or answer the phone.
Not much to add beyond what the others have said... I'm sure you'll get through this okay. I sometimes feel similarly about my job, though it's the thing that keeps me in this college town (where I'm becoming increasingly skeptical I can ever meet anyone!). At least you've got a fall break... we have no break at all 'til Thanksgiving.
Maybe you should cook something yummy and curl up with a trashy novel (or a bottle of wine and a phone call to a friend).
Thanks for the supportive comments, y'all. I really will be ok. It just sucks right now. However, I'm doing all the things I do in this sort of situation (see Lockdown post) and those usually do the trick :)
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