Wednesday, October 17, 2007

More Evidence of My Craziness

I've just spent the past 15 or so minutes seriously considering changing where I get Chinese food from because my Chinese place, which makes very yummy food and is quite economical, changed its fortune-cookie manufacturer and I'm really not cool with the change.

I first noticed when I got a fortune about 2 or 3 months ago, which said, only "Hallelujah!"

Today they made a mistake and gave me two cookies.

The first (and thus I'd say "real") fortune is: "Failure is the mother of all success." I'm sorry, but that just totally sucks as fortunes go. Sure, it's slightly better than "Hallelujah!" which really isn't a fortune at all but rather an exclamation, but it's not in any way illuminating or evocative. It's just LAME.

Now let me crack open my second "fake" fortune: "Take that first step today." I'm sorry, but these are just too lame for anybody to accept. These cannot be my fortunes. I mean, I believe in fortune-cookie fortunes. Like really truly believe in them. And these, they are a sad parody of the art of the fortune cookie fortune. They make a mockery of one of the few things in which I invest faith. It's just so wrong.

But so do I have to find a new Chinese place? I think I might. How disheartening.


Dr. Curmudgeon said...

And telling the table " bed!" is not only unfunny, it's downright creepy.

Jenny Davidson said...

Hmmm... you may not solve the problem by switching...

BrightStar said...

My theory about fortune cookies: They are rarely fortunes. These "fortunes" are quite often Suggestions or Facts. For example, "Failure is the mother of all success." That is not a fortune. It does not predict something that will happen. Instead, I call that a Fact. A Fact Cookie. Also, see this one: "Take that first step today." What is that? A suggestion. A Suggestion Cookie. Both Suggestion and Fact Cookies are much lamer than Fortune Cookies.

That said, what about "Hallelujah!"?!? That's a new one for me. An Exclamation Cookie? A Religious Exclamation Cookie, no less? Not cool.

MaggieMay said...

I like B*'s theory, but there's another category there: the Fact About You fortune. It usually reads something like: "You dream big dreams" or "Your ambition inspires others."

WTF? I'm not looking for a *description*; I'm looking for a *prediction*. How hard can it be to write decent fortunes? Do you think fortune cookies' lack of fortunes has something to do with liability?

heu mihi said...

Well, I for one have had some great fortunes. Such as, "God will give you everything that you want." Okay, yeah, potentially religious and a little weird, but if interpreted in the way that I prefer, quite nice. Also, the day after my first-year college boyfriend broke up with me, he handed me a fortune cookie that happened to say, "Your lover will never wish to leave you." Fact, Suggestion, and Description Cookies just don't have that kind of emotive power.

That said, most of my fortune cookies have totally sucked, and it's always a huge disappointment.

Unsane said...

Ha! They should appoint me the writer of all fortune cookie entries.

"Dog is the initiation of president."

"A smile is never backwards."

"An ambiguity shall arise."

Sisyphus said...

Heh, my favorite fortune ever read, "You will soon get something you have always desired."

Yeah, he was pretty damn hot.

Robert said...

Do you prefer: "That wasn't chicken."?

Maude Lebowski said...

does anyone remember the simpsons episode where homer got so upset over these same things that he decided to take it upon himself to write fortunes and get a job at the fortune cookie writing company replacing the woody allen character who worked there? and montgomery burns' fortune that homer wrote was "you will find love on flag day"and he took it to heart and then ended up proposing to snake's ex-girlfriend?

my point is, there are options to your problems. it might also solve the whole academic issue a few post down about choices. :-)

long live homer.

Belle said...

Then there was the story the other day on NPR about a fortune cookie company that revised its fortune-telling ideas and started including things like... failure is the mother of all success - and they had so many complaints they had to redo everything.

The word verifications I'm getting today are just a hoot. This one: gadsu. So GADSU! Change fortune cookies!