Saturday, August 09, 2008

When Fake People Read Your Real Life Blog

Now, let me just say, that one of the weirder things about my Fake Relationship with the FB is that he's known about the blog from the beginning. Indeed, he knew the Fake Dr. Crazy before he knew the real life person who's constructed her. In many ways, this has proven to be beneficial. First and foremost, it meant that I never used this space to wax diaristic about our Fake Relationship, for I knew anything I'd write could, potentially, be read by one of the main players in said Fake Relationship. I was under no illusions that this space was publicly private, or some such. But, on the other hand, FB is in no way a religious reader of this here blog, as far as I know, since we've become involved in our fake relationship, so sometimes I do write about him, assuming that while he could read what I write here that he's not going to be terribly conscientious about doing so. As he noted once, "you're one long-winded bitch." FB has a bit of a short attention span when it comes to me. If I'm being nice, I'd say that he'd rather hear about what I have to say directly, rather than through the medium of the blog. If I'm not being nice, I'd say that he finds me a wee bit tedious when I ramble on here. Anyway, the point here is that I always assume that he will or could read what I write here, though I don't actually try to communicate things to him through the blog (much more reliable to speak to him directly about whatever's on my mind, especially knowing his less than careful reading habits of me).

But then, every now and again, he'll bring up a post in which I discuss him. Like the time when he got annoyed that I called him "the muse" because he felt I was emasculating him. Or like today, when he claimed that I, like his mom, was "devastated" by his return to his home location, citing the post I did yesterday as evidence of my devastation. Sure he was kidding, but still! I so do not believe that I was "devastated" seeming! I mean, really.

Combine this with his weird insistence at every turn this past week that I don't "care" about him, and I'd suspect that he's fishing for affirmation. From me. I'll admit, my initial gut reaction is to resist such passive-aggressive tactics, if only to prove a point. I mean, really.

But then I thought to myself, self, why not see if he really is reading carefully? Why not actually post about this and see if he says anything about it? So, FB, if you're out there, obviously I adore you, though you are also a silly, silly person. While this is often why I think you're fantastic, I find you much less fantastic when you don't recognize that I'm actually used to you not being around, and thus could not be devastated by it. I also find your silly claims that I don't care about you utterly mystifying, as obviously, if I didn't care about you, you wouldn't be so privileged as to be my Fake Boyfriend. Moreover, you know full well that the reason that I don't just adore you without reservation is that every likelihood is that we will never be geographically compatible and that even if we were one or the other of us would totally ruin the whole thing.

So stop with your nonsense, FB. Obviously I think you're spectacular, which you know full well. And if you don't know this, then you are a total idiot.

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