Ok, my careful readers: what is the most important word in the above two sentences?
That's right, "technically." Because I continue to like the Chemist a great deal but after meeting him? Well, I just don't think he's for me. Why?
- If he's 5'9", as he claims to be, I would be surprised.
- Though he may be 5'9" because his posture is so horrible that the slouching may be making him shrink a couple of inches.
- He's... small. His frame is small. I feel like I could break him. I'm not some Jabba the Hut or anything, but I am, in the immortal words of my mother, "a big girl."
- He does have a nice face, but it reminds me of a cross between my childhood dentist and William H. Macy. (This may be demeanor, too.)
But all of these things are horribly superficial, right? In truth, they are just the things I'm seizing on that are concrete and that are easier to articulate than the thing that I think really made me feel like this didn't have any sort of romantic future last night. The truth is, I think he's just too reserved for me. I'm... well, I'm very outgoing. I have, if I do say so myself, a sparkling personality. And I take charge. And those are fine things, but I don't want always to determine the course of things in my personal life, and that's the danger when I'm with somebody who... I don't know... is always looking for me to direct them. I mean, I planned this whole date. I decided the time, the place, the everything. And then on the date, I decided what I'd order before he did (which NEVER happens - I'm always the person who's like, "you go, and I'll figure it out while you order"). I decided the course of the conversation. I decided (well, with the nudging of the wait staff eyeing our table) when the date ended. I decided that we would hug at the end of the date (after I awkwardly said as he looked at me like he didn't know what to do, "I don't know how to end dates" which I do think would have been a perfect opening for him to take just a tiny bit of a lead, but instead after another awkward pause I followed with, "I'm going to hug you now**.). I decided, in a word, everything. I mean, why couldn't he have suggested that we go for a cup of coffee after dinner? I would have gone. But you know what? By the end of the dinner I had had enough of being the cruise director.
I'm being too hard on the whole thing, I know. I'm making the whole evening sound worse than it was. I really did have a pleasant and nice time. I suppose it's just I'm looking for more than things like "pleasant" and "nice" and "like," etc. My alter ego is not Dr. Crazy for nothing - I need some passion, some craziness. And with the Chemist? I'm just not feeling it. So in the coming days/weeks I'll need your advice about how to transform him into a friend, if such a thing is possible. (I have faith that if it is possible that I can achieve it - I mean, I achieved the Roommate Switch, was supposed to be impossible, right?)
And so, it's time for me to go and reply to a guy whom I'll call.... Stavros (like Stavros Niarchos, the Greek Shipping Heir - hee!). At least he's over 6" tall and I won't feel like an Amazon next to him. And he seems funny. And our backgrounds (well, other than that he's Greek and that he's not an academic and he's divorced) seem to be very similar. Hmmm....
** I should note that I'm not a particularly touchy-feely person and I'm not much of a hugger - even with people whom I know very well. Thus, the fact that I had to initiate this awkward thing was even more awkward for me than you might imagine. That said, he was a nice hugger, when all was said and done.