Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Boy-Crazy (I PROMISE I'll Do a Better Post Later Today)

Thoughts/Questions about the online dating:

1. One of my suitors writes in his profile that he wants a woman who "isn't afraid to send a card or flowers." I'm not "afraid" of that, but I AM thoughtless, which to my mind isn't the same thing. Still, I'm betting we're not a match if he's looking for a girl to send him flowers and demanding such in his profile. You know, I REALLY hate this kind of "sensitive" man for whom "sensitivity" means that they want the woman to do all of the traditionally masculine wooing things while they sit back and are pampered like a girl. Fuck that.

2. Some of these dudes move pretty quickly from in the multiple choice phase, asking things like, "how would you most like to spend saturday night?" to, in the open-ended question phase, asking things like, "will you be ready to become married and pregnant within the next six months because I'm dying to be married - DYING!" I suppose this is what I get for going on the heteronormative-land-of-traditional-values-and-belief-in-soulmates site, but jeez. Take a girl out for a meal before you interrogate her about her plans for her uterus/legal status.

3. What do I do about the chiropractor who can't stand people who use vulgar language? I mean, in my profile I say that my biggest influence was my grandmother who swore like a sailor - WHY is this guy bothering with me? Does he think that I'll give up vulgar language for him? Me? The girl whose intellectual work depends on the word fuck? (And when I say that my intellectual work depends on that word, I mean that quite literally, not just in the I-must-use-expletives-when-doing-intellectual-work sense.)

4. At what point do you start rejecting suitors? Right now, I'm in communication with (drumroll please) 7 guys. Well, six now, because I put one of them on hold because a) he asked about my uterus and b) his picture was taken either with his grandmother or his mom, and that skeezed me out. I feel like the key thing in all of this is being as open as possible and talking to/meeting as many dudes as possible. So when do I let my innate judgmentalness kick in? Most of them don't put the mom/grandma pictures up, so I don't have that as a reliable index of when to just say no.

5. I've not heard back from the pilot, and I really did like him best. What a loser. (Him, not me.)

Again, I apologize for being such a boy-crazy freak. This, if you haven't guessed, is a not-so-opaque smokescreen to disguise the fact that I've not been doing any of the research stuff I need to be doing, that I've got two letters of recommendation to write, and that it's that point in the semester where I just don't feel like doing any work. Oh, and I don't know what I'm doing with my classes this morning. I do know, however, that I'm getting a haircut today. I wonder what I'll do with it....

8 comments:

~profgrrrrl~ said...

I'm so with you on the whole fuck-the-mr-sensitivity-i'm-not-being-the-guy schtick.

Anastasia said...

i had a prof tell me once that well educated people with their PhD's almost never use profanity. hmmmmm yah.

Mr. Curious said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mr. Curious said...

Well, you could tell the chiropractor that if you don't swear on a regular basis to relieve stress, your subluxations start acting up (or, that you looked at www.chirobase.org and decided that chiropractors aren't trustworthy).

In addition to being heteronormative, eharmony is also know for focusing on the Christian market (e.g. http://www.christianadvice.net/dating/eharmony-christian-singles-agency.htm ). While your blog doesn't mention your metaphysical persuasion, you might bear in mind that many of your potential harmonizers may expect that you share their beliefs (unless your profile explicitly indicates otherwise).

Dr. Crazy said...

Yes, I do know that eHarmony does tend to skew traditional and that what that often translates into is conservative. However, the site itself is not a Christian site per se, and thus far that part of things doesn't seem to be a problem. That said, I was raised Catholic and though I'm non-practicing at the moment, I still would consider myself such, so maybe I'm not sketched out by people having a religious affiliation? I'm sure I would probably hate the site were I an atheist, but I thought I was going to marry an atheist for about 2 years, and I actually felt super-judged by him because I wasn't an atheist, and I was worried about how things would work if we ever had a kid.... I don't know. I guess what I'm saying here is that I don't think that the Christians corner the market on judgmental or screwed up behavior....

helenesch said...

Not sure if this advice is helpful, but I wanted to respond to your question #4: My sister (who has been doing this internet dating for years) likes to talk to the guys she thinks she's interested in (by phone) pretty early on in their interactions. I should note that although she's well-educated, she's *not* an academic and doesn't write for a living (like so many of us do!). But she finds that she can tell a lot more about most guys by talking to them on the phone than she can over e-mail. And she always wants phone contact of some sort before actually meeting the guy (so as not to waste time with someone she knows she'd never like). Good luck! Sounds like it's at least interesting...

phd me said...

Please, keep the boy talk coming! Obviously, it's entertaining, but you're serving as the pioneer in unknown territory for those of us comtemplating on-line adventures. I'm pulling for yoU!

Eddie said...

I like the boy talk too!

ps--I would ditch the get-married-in-six-months guy. I'm just saying.