Tuesday, January 30, 2007

And THIS Is Why I Don't Like to Order Pizza

Ok, so I've got this thing. I hate calling up to order a pizza. The whole process just freaks me out, and it always has. (A companion phobia is I hate calling to make reservations at restaurants.) I will most often just get pizza at the grocery store rather than order pizza because I hate calling to order a pizza so much. And I've been doing the healthy eating thing for a while now, so I've not even done that recently. But today was a long, hard day, and I really wanted a goddamned pizza from a pizza place (also because it's like -40 degrees with the wind chill and I can't imagine leaving my house) and so I overcame my pizza-phoning phobia, and I called them up.

All I can say is, this was not a simple transaction. I called Pizza Place #1. I swear to god I had some sort of illiterate person on the phone. All I wanted to order was one sausage and pepperoni pizza. This should have taken just five minutes, right? Right? Oh no. The kid couldn't spell (not only my name, but the name of the TOWN I LIVE IN), he kept reversing the letters/numbers in my address and phone number, and I was on the phone with him for TEN MINUTES before I finally gave up and told him just to forget it. (I was on the phone that long because I thought that I would be nice to the poor guy, and I felt like I should support his effort to have a job since clearly he couldn't read, and he seemed incredibly stressed out and I felt bad for him.)

So then I called Pizza Place #2. That went much better. But I'm saying, why, WHY, WHY does calling for a pizza have to be such an ordeal? And why don't I have a boyfriend who will call and order pizzas for me, because really, that is one of the primary roles that a boyfriend would have in my life. (This is also one reason why I tend to weigh more when I am in a relationship, so perhaps what I really need is a guy who refuses to order pizzas for me.)

Anyway. In 50 minutes I'll have pizza. I almost don't want it anymore, but after all of that effort, I have to eat the pizza on principle.

Edited to Add:
Pizza Place #1 tried to deliver me a pizza anyway. And the delivery guy got lost on the way to me. When he got to the door, I realized that he was the wrong Pizza guy, so I sent him away. He crossed paths with Pizza guy from Pizza Place #2, who proceeded to tell me how Pizza Place #2 is filled with drug dealers and they're not a good Pizza Place. Dude, I'm not ordering pizza again for a year.

10 comments:

negativecapability said...

I have the exact same phobia! People think this is so weird since I a) eat a lot of pizza and b) am normally pretty assertive and ok with talking to people.

The greatest practical things about living with my boyfriend is that I no longer stress about taking out the trash (dumpster is across the street and in a creepy place) or calling for pizza.

Before that I was a big fan of PapaJohns online ordering.

helenesch said...

Thanks for giving me a good laugh! I haven't actually ordered pizza for delivery in like 15 years, since I worked as a pizza delivery driver for nearly 4 years of college and pre-grad school--and ate enough pizza for nearly a lifetime! The employees they stick on the phones are the worst (and get paid the worst, too).

For years I had nightmares about driving around lost, with cold pizzas in my car needing to be delivered...

gwinne said...

I have a similar phobia about pizza places, though I will say that I've recovered from it since becoming a mother and moving to a new town. I will never get over my phobias involving cars (which include parallel parking, gas stations, and most of all, car washes). It's posts like these--and the anticipation of the female prof one--that keep me reading your blog.

Manorama said...

You can order online if that's available in your area. I don't like calling to order, either. Neither do my parents.

ks said...

Hilarious post. Ah, how the comfort of fufulling food cravings can help on a bad day...thanks for your honesty about such things. Imagine this scenario: You call and the person who answers asks for your phone number. Magically your "usual" order and delivery address appear on a screen, and once phone answerer confirms these with you s/he sends the order to the kitchen where your pizza starts being made before you've hung up with order taker! That was my wonderful experience in the total midwestern college town where I attended grad school. I hope you'll soon find such a place, or a man to serve your phone-phobia needs, or (ideally) both!

Lina said...

that was oddly compelling.

Anastasia said...

this is why I love that you can order papa john's online. now if I could just get him to leave it on the porch, ring the bell and run away, i wouldn't have to talk to anybody.

Mel said...

I have the same phobia of calling for pizza, or any take out/delivery food. But luckily GF has a phobia of the post office, so I mail stuff for her and she always calls for food. Pre-relationship I just didn't get delivery. Ever.

undine said...

I hate to call, too--all those decisions (what kind? how much to tip? do I have any cash?) & usually just give in and make one.

Wol said...

OMG. I thought I was the only one. I hate, hate, hate the telephone for things like that. Sad thing is, my spouse hates the phone as much as I do, so we do a trade-off, as in, if I call, he has to answer the door and deal with the delivery person, or drive to get pick-up. Anyway, your post made my day!