Saturday, November 29, 2008

Christmas Presents - Ideas?

Ok, so I expressed to FB when I saw him this week that I'd like for us to exchange gifts for Christmas. He agreed.

[The conversation:
Crazy: FB, I have a thing.
FB: Of course you do.
Crazy: I feel like we should give each other Christmas presents.
FB: Ok. ]

Tonight, I tried to get some information regarding his preferences, but FB, being FB, refused to provide information.

He refused to provide rules about amount to spend.

[The conversation:
FB: I'll know how much you care about me based on how much you spend.
Crazy: But I don't believe that how much one spends shows the amount of caring!
FB: Well, so clearly whatever you get will show that you don't care very much.]

He refused to talk about what he wanted.

[The conversation:
FB: I don't want anything. I told my mom I need underwear....
Crazy: Your mother will already be getting you underwear, so that would be a lame gift if I got you that! And that's not what you need, it's what you want!
FB: Right, so if you got me underwear I'd know that you don't really care about me.
Crazy: You're a jackass.]

So I took another tack: "I had imagined that I would have to give you a list of things that I might like."

His response: "Oh, I don't need a list. I'm just going to get you something like the flip-fold, something that will make your life better that you don't know you want."

(Note: I do really love my flip-fold, even if it is pink-for-girls. It really has made my life awesome. And I will say that I was incredibly pleased on the day on which it arrived. Still, I also feel it has a lot in common, as gifts go, with my mother's "stocking-stuffer" from college of a power strip, which wasn't really a gift, I must say.)

And then, he asserted that I could make rules if I wanted but that he didn't need rules, nor did he want them.

Actually, all of the above went on a lot longer than this recounted interchange on this here blog.

The point is, he refused to offer any ideas, and he refused to make a dollar-amount limit. Oh, wait, he did say I could spend "a month's salary." Asshole!

There was also some discussion of the fact that a sweater is no more thoughtful than a power-strip.


Any ideas for FB? I really only suggested the present-exchange because I liked the idea of him giving me a present. Because I'm selfish, and a little bit of a jerk. But now this is a challenge. I clearly have to get him something that's wicked-cool. Well, or something lame, but then something sweet and thoughtful and homemade in additon to the lame thing. (Though, of course, we know from the earlier post from today that "thoughtful" isn't my natural register.)

But so what should FB get for Christmas? And, to make this even more fun, what do you think he should get for me?


Anonymous said...

this isn't a suggestion but your story about the power strip reminded me that the first christmas we were dating, PH bought me an adapter for my printer, to connect it to my computer. My sister thought it was the lamest gift ever but to me, it was very thoughtful. Mine was wiggy and I was complaining about it pretty regularly but I didn't know what to replace it with and didn't have a car to get to best buy or whatever. so it was both awww, you used your knowledge of technology to help me out and awww, you do actually listen to me when I whine.

This is totally irrelevant to what you should get FB. That is, unless he whines about something.

Lawgirl said...

Uncommon Goods or Think Geek are the way to go for men. Get him something that every time he looks at it, he thinks of you.

StyleyGeek said...

I once wrote Geekman a short story for Christmas with lots of in-jokes, a main character that was clearly him, but with the life he always wished he could lead, and aliens.

It was both the lamest gift ever, and the one he's always said was his favourite.

Sisyphus said...

Not knives. (playing on the previous post.)

How about an autographed copy of your book? It would be even better if there was a photo of you on the dust jacket. ;)

I might go jokey if I were in this position, and get the weirdest and/or ugliest thing I could find; something that every time he looked at it, not only would he think of you, but other people would come in the office and say "what the hell is that?" A plug-in, vibrating glow-in-the dark penguin statue comes to mind. If one doesn't exist someone needs to invent it for just this occasion.

Ann said...

A very nice gift for a new author is to take her book jacket and have it lavishly matted and framed. (Congratulations, by the way! Let the long wait for reviews begin!) You might want to give that to yourself or let your mom do it, though--just to make sure it got done right. I don't get the impression from your brief overview that FB would come up with this on his own, or anything like it.)

As for gifts for him, maybe you should just get him underwear. He sounds like he's being a putz about the gift exchange. If you want to be nice, I think browsing in antique and old junk stores is fun. There's always an old toy or kitschy thing for everyone there, and it's all very green--you know, reduce, re-use, recycle and all that. I once gave a man a pair of deer antlers mounted on a plaque for the first birthday present I ever gave him. Most people thought it was a totally stupid present, but he loved them. I've bought 16 birthday presents for him since then, so I guess you could say it was a success. (Not all were quite so original though, I'm afraid!)

I got an "A" in Crazy Beeyotch said...

The most successful gifts I've given to my man have been nerf products.

Dr. Crazy said...

You'll all be excited to know that I'm coming toward an idea re: the present for FB. Who the heck knows what he'll get me, but my present will be extraordinary! And funny! And fun!

I cannot say more, for I know that he will be sure to read this comment thread. I promise that once the gift is given that I will reveal what I ultimately decided to do :)

Kate said...

TD's favorite gifts were ones I made him in college -- a funny, illustrated poem (that he went and had framed) and a mix CD with the lyrics printed out. Uncommon Goods is also a good suggestion though.

Oh, TD's other favorite gift was the year I bought him a Caterpillar hooded sweatshirt (yes, Caterpillar like the truck company, as it fulfilled a boyhood dream).

Tenured Radical said...

Go the website called A Fresh Pair and get him sexy underwear. Yo can spend a *lot* on men's underwear.

canuck_grad said...

Anastasia, your comment reminded me of a couple of Christmas's ago, when my husband got me a big stapler. Like a heavy-duty one to go through thick articles or book chapters that I've photocopied. I actually hinted quite strongly that I wanted one, so he knew it was a good idea. But his brother and his brother's gf were shopping with him, and the gf is a really girly-girl, and she was pretty sure he was making a huge mistake lol - she kept saying "A stapler.... are you sure she'd want this.... there isn't something else, etc. etc." lol.