The Chemist
I thought that I had successfully friended him, as I think I mentioned in a previous post, but now I'm thinking that he still has a crush on me. I am, however, being kind, and we haven't seen one another since our first meeting, and so I think it's ok. He's out of town again, and so this is nothing that I need to worry about at the moment. Incidentally, I also mentioned when we talked on the phone a few nights ago (and no, we're not still talking all the time, as that's not compatible with friending) that my friends and I have a "no boyfriends in the summer" rule. That's actually kind of true, though of course exceptions are made when one falls in love. At any rate, I think I believe that - that summer isn't the time for boyfriends. I mean, I've got travel and the sun and no teaching - why would I want a boyfriend to cramp my style?
The Greek
Ok, I'd thought that he had totally blown me off. Was thinking about closing off communication. Instead, it turns out that his spam filter had filtered my message into junk mail. But he found it, and he responded, and so maybe - just maybe - that whole thing isn't dead in the water. I do find him really funny, and I think that I'd like him in person. We'll see. At the rate this thing's going, it'll be 2010 before we ever get to the point of discussing a meeting.
The Pre-Marital Sex Guy
See? I saved the most hilarious for last. Lemme tell ya about The Pre-Marital Sex Guy. Remember how I lost my mind and contacted a bunch of dudes last week? WELL. The Pre-Marital Sex Guy (TPMSG from this point forward) responded to my multiple choice questions. He then sent me some multiple choice questions for me to answer. Now, for those of you who are not familiar with the eHarmony interface, eHarmony provides like 50 multiple choice questions, from which you choose five to ask the person with whom you are communicating. These questions range from ones about what kind of date you'd like to go on to how adventurous or ambitious you are, etc. But then there are some questions that are, well, creepy. Like "How trusting are you?" or "What do you fear most about marriage?" However, I personally think that the creepiest multiple choice question is the following:
How do you feel about premarital sex?Obviously, TPMSG asked that question. Now, you may wonder, why does Dr. Crazy have a problem with this question? 1) I think it is only appropriate to ask it if one is clearly from one's profile a virgin and needs to know that the person they are communicating with is ok with that; 2) I've never even exchanged an email with this guy - I mean, he's a STRANGER - and he wants to know whether and when I think fucking is "okay" 3) the possible answers that eHarmony provides are fucked up, as I think that sex between consenting adults is "ok" - whether connected to love or marriage or not - and also because I don't necessarily that sex has to be connected to dating either, nor do I think one has to fuck every person whom one dates. So, after I got over being horrified that somebody deigned to ask me this question, I at first thought about closing the guy off right there. But then I thought, "maybe he thinks that because the question is provided for him that it's ok to ask? I mean, it is something one would want to know, and so maybe he doesn't realize it's creepy?" And so, since there is an option "E" where one can write one's own answer, I decided that I wouldn't close him off but would do a little public service. Here is what I responded:
A) I am completely opposed to it
B) as long as marriage is imminent, it is okay
C) in the context of a loving relationship, it is okay
D) I accept sex as a natural part of dating
E) Sex between two consenting adults is fine. That said, sex is not necessarily a part of all dating, and this is kind of a creepy question to ask to a stranger, fyi :)
I thought he might close me off after that, but no. He sent me his must haves/can't stands. And they are almost identical to my own. I'm somewhat intrigued by TPMSG. At any rate, we shall see.
So yes, those are my adventures in dating (though I've been on no dates, and I don't have any scheduled) of late. Good times.
11 comments:
That was an awesome response to a very creepy question. I see that question as asking one of two things - either one is very opposed to sex before marriage and will only date other people who are (in which case I would assume one would make this obvious on the profile or use other screening factors). Or one is fishing for people with whom one is certain to get laid in the process of dating.
My thoughts exactly, NC. Which is why initially I thought that I would close him off, but then I thought, well, let's be honest with myself because one of my main agendas ultimately is that I'd like to get laid at some point and it's just I have more sense than to try to find out the likelihood of that at this early juncture, and so then I decided to send the response I sent and to see what happened. But yes, I thought it was the only appropriate response, the one I came up with, and let me tell ya - I spent a LONG time thinking before I got it right.
What I'm wondering is how an internet dating service somehow has multiple choice questions taken from the 1950s. How very bizarre.
Oh yes. The eHarmony is very bizarre and very 1950s. I blame it all on Dr. Warren :)
Oh, and let me just add:
Does anybody else find asking about "pre-marital sex" when both parties in question are over the age of 30, never-been-married, and have no Waiting for Marriage Red Flags anywhere in their profiles just totally ridiculous? Who even calls it "pre-marital sex" after the age of 20? Unless one is talking to a priest or something? It's totally weird terminology. I think an even funnier answer than the one I came up with would have been, now that I think of it:
"Oh, I'm only okay with heavy petting."
But, as he is a stranger, I think that would have sent the wrong message, as sarcasm doesn't translate well into text....
Dr. Crazy: I really enjoy reading about your online dating adventures! If I hadn't met my husband in grad school, I'm sure I would be doing the same thing. I think being a college professor is a difficult circumstance for meeting people: students are obviously off limits (or should be!), colleagues are also a generally bad idea, colleagues in other departments may be pretty slim pickins! I also agree that using the term "pre-marital sex" is very bizarre- don't you think there is much more sex going on OUTSIDE of marriage anyway?? Good luck on your e-dating adventures!
Dr. C - yes "premarital" sex strangely implies this "I'm only in this to get married" idea (which, as Joe points out, is kind of 1950's). I know very few people any more who think of sex outside of marriage as "pre"-marital. Except my very Catholic ex-boyfriend...and boy do I not want to get into that.
It reminds me of your previous discussion of the wierdness of "dating" when one previously only experiences the climate of hanging-out-and-hooking-up and kind of falling into relationships. I have yet to date as my current SO was someone I sort of hung out with that knew one of my friends and then I took him home from the bar and he never left. This is why I find all these boy-crazy posts of yours utterly fascinating.
The only reason I can think of that he might have asked this is if he (mistakenly) thought he had spotted some "red flag" in your profile that made him wonder if you were going to be a prude about these things.
But there are better ways and times to check this sort of thing out than with a multiple choice question, and in one of the first communications with a stranger!
when I was in high school, I met a girl who called it unwed sex. unwed sounded so funny to me but it did jar me into thinking you know how is it pre marital if you aren't planning marriage. in that case, isn't just....sex?
hmmmm yah.
my sister has done some online dating (not eharmony) and gets asked all kinds of crass questions in IM (where she first encounters these men). how big are your breasts. do you swallow (I'm not making that up). So this seems a bit tame to me while drifting uncomfortably in that directin. Ick. Ick. Ick.
Heh... this is kind of funny. I think they should filter everybody by sex expectations way before you get to contact each other. Because, you know, what's the point of matching people if they can't agree on that?
What is all this crap about marriage, loving relationships, dating... what about one-night stands? What about "Eh, I'll sleep with anyone"? Because, you know, sex isn't always about love. Sometimes it's about SEX.
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