Monday, August 27, 2007

Some tips for College Life

Tip #1:

Let's say that you decide that you are the sort of person who chooses to take an elevator that is going in an opposite direction from the one that you ultimately need to go. So, say, you go up to go down, rather than waiting for the down elevator, which might be full by the time it gets to you. If you do that, getting onto an elevator that's already quite full, GET OUT OF THE WAY WHEN YOU REACH THE TOP FLOOR BECAUSE IT IS TOTALLY FUCKING OBVIOUS THAT EVERYONE TRAPPED BEHIND YOU WAS ON AN ELEVATOR GOING UP AND SO PROBABLY THEY PLAN ON GETTING OFF OF THE ELEVATOR AT THE TOP FLOOR.

Tip #2:
It does not make a good impression on your professors when you fail to do your reading assignments within the first two weeks of class. Nor does it make a good impression when you fail to bring the reading assignments with you to class, when it states EXPLICITLY in the course policies that you must do so in order to participate adequately. DO YOUR WORK FOR YOUR CLASSES OR YOU WASTE NOT ONLY YOUR TIME BY COMING TO CLASS BUT ALSO YOUR PROFESSOR'S TIME.

I could go on, but I'm going to go do work instead. Since this is the case, I will leave it to you, my readers, to add to this list should anything come to mind.


Anonymous said...

ugh, i hate the go up to go down people.

The_Myth said...

Syllabus? What's a syllabus?

I thought all I had to do was just show up to get a B.


Irritated Isis said...


I start my first ever TA position on Wednesday.

I had been assuming that it would be mostly sophomores since it has a prereq. even though concurrent enrollment is allowed. Nope, 90% freshmen.

I've got a feeling that I'll be dealing with that same stuff by the end of the week.

Robert said...

When you do not know the answer to a question on an assignment or test, you are generally not rewarded for substituting your own question and answering it instead and then writing it in the place the proper answer should go -- no matter how elegant your answer is.

Jane said...

Tip #3: Never, ever assume that you can and should call your female professors "Mrs. _____". When in doubt, use "Doctor" or "Professor".

If you mess up and do call a female professor "Mrs. _____", and she corrects you, do *not* continue to insist on calling her "Mrs. _____".

gwoertendyke said...

tip #4: do we really need to state on the syllabus that falling asleep in class equals an absence?

tip #5: do not, ever, say "ma'am" to your professor.

tip #6: do not spend any amount of time, especially in the front row, rolling your eyes or otherwise expressing your opinion in passive aggressive ways in an English class. THE WHOLE POINT IS MAKING AN ARGUMENT.

phd me said...

Tip #7: Do not walk in at the end of class and demand a syllabus from the professor. When the professor suggests that you should come to her office to discuss your interest in a class you haven't attended in the first week, do not then ask what class this is. When told, do not turn around and walk out without another word.

Tip #8: Do not come to class expecting the professor to entertain you with a monologue about the readings. Be assured, the professor can sit in silence much longer than you can.

And it's only the first week!!

Sisyphus said...

Cindy, if it's all freshmen, the good news is that they have no clue what the section is supposed to be for, and you can *mold* them accordingly.

Sure it's lots of work, but there is something fun about knowing you've beat some good habits into their little minds. Upperclass-students are much less pliable.

Tip #8 if you don't turn in a single assignment, but are there every single day, you're not going to pass the class.

Tip #9 a) If I'm talking, then, yes, it will be on the test. b) Or it appears on the syllabus already and you should check it. If not a, then b.

Fretful Porpentine said...

tip #5: do not, ever, say "ma'am" to your professor.

Maybe there are regional differences involved, but I don't see the problem with "ma'am," as long as the student is not being sarcastic. Could you elaborate?

Tip #10: If you are not paying attention, do not make it obvious that you are not paying attention. It's a free country, and I can't do anything about it if you decide to write an experimental novel under the guise of taking notes, but don't get caught.

Tip #11: If you don't have the textbook because the flood in your apartment destroyed all your books, and your financial aid won't pay for another copy, and you can't get the papers in on time because you were stranded in another town as a result of a car accident and your computer was in the car and it got stolen and you also have mononucleosis, you might want to consider withdrawing for the semester. Really, I won't hold it against you. But if you stay in class and don't do the work, I have to hold it against you.

Irritated Isis said...

Good point Sissyphus, and thanks for the encouragement!

BIO 101 here I come!

Rebel Girl said...

How to put all of this - and more - in a modest syllabus?


Notorious Ph.D. said...

These are good. Are you familiar with the site "Rate Your Students"? If not, check it out. Lots of priceless stuff in there.

Andrea said...

Tip #12

When you add the class several days into the sesmter - do not walk in late and then walk up to the professor who is the middle of lecturing and ask for a copy of the syllabus and then start asking all kinds of questions that the professor has already covered while you are standing next to her at the front of the class in the middle of her lecture!

gwoertendyke said...

sure, fretful, i guess it is my own personal gripe, but i took this list to be that. personally, i find "ma'am" to be up there with "mrs"--it is of course regional but also gendered which as a female professor can grate the wrong way, especially when used in patronizing ways. i could elaborate more but don't want to take up dr. crazy's space here!