This actually has nothing to do with me. Or, well, only by association. A friend of mine is in the midst of the hellishness that is breaking up with a person with whom one lives, and the own special hellishness reserved for being the one who had no idea it was coming. I went through that myself about 7 years ago - though as soon as I heard the "I can't do this" business I immediately was like, "Um, YOU can't do this? I think I am the one who can't do this," so even though I didn't see it coming, I was able immediately to see that it was the only possible thing for me to do (through rage and tears and grief and whatever). My friend's different. She... well, she's not cold and dead inside. Not that I'm really cold and dead inside, but I do shut down pretty quickly when crossed. My friend... she still believes in love and flowers and stuff, and so this is like a nightmare from which she wants to wake up because "this can't be happening." And she thinks that there's something wrong with her - that she caused this. (My theory on ends of relationships is that both people - no matter what the circumstances - are the cause and that there are no victims - only blame enough for everybody. As I write that out it seems kind of a hard core way to think, but it's how I think. So it's not that I don't blame myself when things don't work out - I do - but I never fail to blame the other person, too. And, dude, the person who decides - after three years of living together and after talking about getting married and having kids and all the rest of the shit that people talk about - that it's over probably holds some responsibility for the end of the relationship. Just saying.
But so I hate break-ups. Even when they're not mine. Maybe this is why I like a fake relationship. If it's not real you can't really break up. I realize that's emotionally immature and blah blah blah, but I have been through too many break-ups and I don't want any more. So really the only other solution available to me - besides fake relationships, I mean - would be some sort of hard-core-no-divorce-possible sort of marriage, but I feel like that would require me moving halfway around the world to a third world country where divorce wasn't legal, and that would be a big hassle.
But anyway, things are gloomy here as I try to comfort my friend, and as I silently curse the person who did this to her.
5 years ago