Wednesday, March 04, 2009

It Must Be Nice to Have a Penis

Apparently, when you have one, you feel entitled to put forth entire proposals about which you have consulted no one and which nearly everybody thinks are stupid. And you feel wronged when people think that they are stupid because your penis is supposed to mean that everybody thinks you're right and that nasty lady with the vagina is wrong.

Also when you have a penis, you feel that it is completely within your rights to disparage a process (and by extension the person running it) that has been totally transparent on a listserv, when you've not attended a single faculty meeting or, apparently, read any of the many documents that have been circulated widely to faculty. Indeed, your opinion (attached to the penis that you swing around in everybody's face) counts, regardless of how (un)informed you are.

Having a penis means that you can write an email to shut down certain sorts of discussions without being called a bitch or being treated like you are overreacting or crazy.

And apparently, being equipped with a penis means that you can advocate for your own position without being criticized for doing so, being accused of being unprofessional, being treated like a dumb little girl who just doesn't understand her own freaking discipline.

What kills me (aside from the fact that I'm surrounded by a bunch of dicks) is that I'm more professionally respected and accomplished than 90% of the men who are shooting their mouths off in ways that are public and that cast me in a negative light. And yet, I need to get "good" dicks to advocate for me because no matter what I do, the one qualification I'm lacking is a big old penis of my own.

17 comments:

Rose said...

Does this ever sound familiar!!

Virginia S. Wood, PsyD said...

Ouch. Rough day at the patriarchy, huh?

Elana Levine said...

I love this. Thank you for saying it.

Susan said...

LOL. I think you should make a "penis" to wave around in your next meeting. Or maybe to keep in your bag so you know you have it.

But oh, have I been at that meeting.

the rebel lettriste said...

Word.

And I agree with Susan. You need to pack. And when the dicks start interrupting, reach down into your pants and pull it out and set it on the table.

AcadeMama said...

I gotta get me one of those penis things...

I'm guessing you could buy a strap-on that would put any of those guys to shame...Imagine just whipping it out in a committee meeting, along with some Lacan, and voila, problem solved!

Sorry, I couldn't help the image ;)

Bardiac said...

I love the responses!

I think I've been to that same meeting, over and over again.

We need to end patriarchy.

Lesboprof said...

Girl, I had a similar reminder of dick-i-tude today. I shall blog about it.

That is one nice thing about being a dyke--the boys are secretly worried that you have one and they kinda sometimes treat you like they do.

Belle said...

Remember Murphy Brown? In one of the early seasons, when the men started getting pissy, she suggested they get out the ruler and settle matters once and for all. I've always thought that was just brilliant. So I agree with those above who suggest getting one and putting it on the table right at the beginning of the meeting. There it is; I now have the penis that entitles me to be heard. And mine is bigger than yours.

Love. It.

Kate said...

It would be funny if it didn't ring true. Instead, it just makes me Twisty Faster angry. I blame the motherfucking patriarchy.

Another Damned Medievalist said...

OMG this is entirely my experience on the important committees I've been on. Except that in my case it's been:

We have penises and you are invisible

We have penises and even though we have to let you talk, we will ignore it

Or, the convo that goes, from the Vagina's POV, "Our task has a rather large scope, and we should make sure we have a framework and plan before doing the last step"

Penis POV: Blah, blah, blah bitch wants us to do more work blah, blah, blah we'll consider that (like hell, you mouthy bitch)

Sisyphus said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIBxK-5Bt3s

:)

PowerProf said...

Well said - I've been there

Ann said...

I love this post (and the comments)--you're exactly right that getting angry and still being taken seriously (ooh-Daddy's angry! We'd better listen!) is a major entitlement of sex. I would just add that this is a particular privilege of white penises. People with non-white penises would be read as just scary angry if they behaved like this.

Historiann.com

Notorious Ph.D. said...

My department is run by a Monstrous Regiment of Women, so I'm fortunate. But I'm reminded of something I read once on another blog, that when some guy started to act up, one of the women got up, started waving her arms, and bellowing, "Make way! Penis-bearer coming through!"

David said...

I have a penis, a white penis even, and it has not brought me the benefits described here (though it has brought me other advantages). Perhaps I have read the user's manual incorrectly?

Or maybe I need to upgrade my penis from Ph.D student penis to Dr. Penis?

MB said...

Amid the excellent chronology of penises (and I'd venture to say I've seen some brown yellow and black ones there too)is the 'Oh Poor Me, I have a penis and I have too much power and it's so alienating and sad that I have to oppress you in this way' penis.

You go girl.