It Looks Like I'm Really Doing This

So, I've decided. Tomorrow morning I'm going to my realtor's office and I'm going to put in an offer on the house.

We went and saw another house this afternoon (HIDEOUS!) and then we went back to Crazy's Dream House. No, it's not quite as big or as pink as this one, but it is a Dream House nonetheless. We took care of some important matters, including measuring some spaces in the kitchen, as well as measuring the Nook of Ideas. First things first: the Nook of Ideas is really even bigger than I'd thought it was. One half of it (left side of the doorway) is a square area that is about 5 1/2' x 5 1/2'. Then there's the doorway space, and then the other half is about the same dimensions, with a chunk taken out because the stairs run underneath it. In other words, it is totally big enough for a desk, for some shelves, and to hold my file boxes. It has an electrical outlet, and a light fixture. It is a totally perfect and usable space that I can dedicate to the Ideas. Huzzah!*

Also, we went over the disclosures on the house. The furnace and water heater were replaced in 2000, and the furnace was repaired more recently than that, so both of those are good for the foreseeable future. The central air was installed in 2005, the floors and the roof were done and the ceiling fans installed in 2004. So that's all good. The basement was resurfaced and sealed in 2004, too. Oh, and the bathroom was totally redone, too, so awesome. And earlier today I called up the energy company, and I found out that the average monthly bill for gas/electric is ~130, which is totally doable.

And then, BES came by to confirm that this is a house that a person who knows me could see me living in. It may seem weird that I asked her, but she's my peep and she knows what I'm like - and I knew she'd tell me if she thought it was not me. Direct quote from BES: "I LOVE it!" Another direct quote from BES: "I can totally see us drinking wine on this porch." I wasn't so much looking for confirmation about whether it was a good house - I know that it is - I was looking to see whether somebody other than me saw me inside the house. And she totally did.

But so anyway, after all of that, I felt totally like, "of course I want this house!" and so I told Cyndi that I wanted to make an offer, and so we set up our appointment for tomorrow to sign, seal, and deliver this baby. I also set up a time for us to see it on Saturday so that my parents can see it (though the offer will already have been made, per my mother's advice), and I coached Cyndi about how to handle G. "Don't tell him what number I offered, but just emphasize that if it works out it will be an excellent deal - he cares a lot about making excellent deals." She then inquired about whether he'd be looking at the mechanics of the house, and I explained that he's a guy who once "fixed" a screen door by putting a glove in it so that it would stay shut, and this "fix" was in place for years, so he so is not the guy who is going to have opinions about the goodness of the house - indeed, he'll think it's a great house because it totally is - he just cares about me low-balling in an offer, which is why the "excellent deal" thing is so important.

I feel very calm and sure about the decision, and very excited about the possibility of it working out. I do not feel scared, nor do I feel like I might be making a mistake. I've got to say, I haven't felt this good or sure about a decision since I decided to change my major in college to English and to pursue graduate school after graduation. And that decision actually felt a lot like this one - lots of hemming and hawing and considering and list-making, and lots of talking it through with anybody who would listen to me, but once it was made, I felt very sure and comfortable and secure in it.

Now, it still might not work out, but the house has been on the market since July with no offers, so I feel like I'm not in an actively bad position. It's just a matter of the timing. And will I be upset if it doesn't work out? Sure. But at the same time, while I believe in love that is pure and true, I do not believe in One True Love, and I know I'll find another house if this doesn't work out. Just like I knew I would find a life I wanted if I didn't find a job as a college professor. So do I want this house, and want it badly? Sure. But I will be ok if it doesn't work out. And in fact, if it doesn't work out, then that means that it wasn't meant to be, whatever I might want right at this moment.

But am I putting an offer in on this particular house? Yes. And I feel totally sure and ready for that commitment.

I think I found my house. And I really think that I'm going to live in it and to have a fabulous life in it. Sure, there's always the possibility that this won't happen, but right now? I feel totally certain that this will work out and that it's perfect, like the house was waiting for me, in fact. And yes, that is totally cheesy, but it is how I feel.


*It occurred to me as I've been thinking tonight that it's about the same size as this tiny room off my childhood bedroom that was only big enough for some toys. Perhaps this is why I love the Nook so much, that it reminds me of my childhood?