Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Oh Holy Hell.

I do not know how I'm going to finish all of the many tasks on my plate. One good thing (although it also sucks) is that A. and I have had to postpone our weekend together (what her BF and the two of us have been calling our "Annual Meeting") because her BF's dad's funeral is Saturday. This means that I'll have the weekend to finish many long-overdue tasks and also it means that I don't need to worry about cleaning over the next day or two (which is good, as I suck and my house remains the House of Research and Teaching Disarray.)

But so I just finished one task that had been looming - a guest blog post for a colleague's web course. You know, this has me thinking (as have the recent and ongoing posts re: curriculum and innovation) about the "credit" I get or take for the blogging that I do. You know, there is a huge part of me that wishes that I could somehow be both Dr. Crazy and myself in one blog without it changing how I blog. The problem is, I don't think that this is possible. One of the things that makes RT the space that it is remains that I don't see it as a "professional document." I only feel dissonance when I write things for which I'd sort of like to be able to take professional credit, but then I feel like doing so would eliminate the possibility to write posts like this one, in which I promise I will say very little if anything of substance and will just ramble on. And then I think that maybe I should have a "professional" blog in addition to RT, except that I like that RT veers between this sort of post and the other kind, and also I feel like I really can only manage one blog and have it be any good. I feel like if I started a "professional" blog that it would either usurp this one or that it would be a total non-starter. And then I think about getting tenure and just vaguely associating my "real life" identity with this one, and I don't really like the idea of doing that. Ugh. It's all very annoying and there's no real answer to it. the fact is, I don't especially want to "claim" this blog as professional activity, and yet I also feel like I wish I could "claim" it more than I do now, sometimes. Then other times I'm happy I can't.

Ok, this last paragraph basically said absolutely nothing. I'm feeling quite caffeinated and scattered, if you can't tell. Filled with energy and a bit of stress, but also feeling happy that it is Summer and that I don't have Real Responsibilities. I am a mass of contradictions :)

So, Course B continues to be totally awesome and I had the bizarre experience of totally losing track of time (and my students also lost track of time) because the discussion was so engaging, and this meant that the whole 3-hour class was over before we knew it. I know. This is nuts. This never happens. I think we'd have been able to talk for 2 more hours if I wasn't feeling parched and thinking about refilling my water bottle. I just wish the same were true of the other class that I'm teaching, in terms of engagement and awesomeness. Ah well, life doesn't work that way.

In other news, I have lots of logistical things to take care of re: personal life stuff, things which I'm just ignoring, which is so not good, and I have those two research things that I've got to conclude, but it's just really hard to be terribly motivated about doing that, and also the fact that I've got to wrap up the admin stuff (I know, I know) as well as to work on my online course for fall (ugh) and to do teaching stuff for fall, and clean my office (which is a tragedy in its horrible messiness), and - and- and.

And yet, I'm feeling a bit hungry and like I could use a nap, except I'm too caffeinated to nap, I suspect. I think I've reached the point of caffeine overload in which one is both wired and tired all at the same time. Sigh.

So I'm not done with the multipart series, but I blew my wad on "serious" blogging with the post for my colleague's course, so that will have to wait in the wings for another day. And I need to plan my class for tonight, which I am not at all motivated to do. And I need to go in to school to do things, and I need to blah blah blah.

I cannot wait until Friday, when I will not need to go anyplace (in theory). And also the pool opens. And also it's supposed to be sunny and gorgeous outside.

But in order to give myself that reward, I've got to get some shit done. And I am too scattered to think about how actually to make that happen. Sigh, again.

So I guess that's the report from the World of Crazy. As you might imagine, it's, well, Crazy over here :)


Auto Ethnographer said...

For what it's worth, as I have been reading your serialized suggestions for re-making GE, I have been thinking that you should most definitely publish your ideas. They are well thought out and written and clearly informed by lived experience that resonates for many of us. The CHE would be a great venue. Maybe you can remake them enough to publish them under your real identity in a year or so.

Kelly in Kansas said...

I feel some of the same "cognitive dissonance" you express in this post and I'm not quite anonymous. But I do agree with ae above about potential publication - that's one of the best uses of a blog - to throw some ideas out there and receive some feedback before investing more time and moving forward.