Friday, May 12, 2006

"Real" Boy-Craziness vs. "Imaginary" Boy-Craziness

Well, since posting last night I hung out with my parents, talked on the phone about my Tale of Craziness from Wednesday night, got a lovely and long night's sleep, and did some preliminary internet investigation related to a person whom my friends are variously calling Dr. Menudo (related to his high school hair-cut), Dr. Strangelove, and, perhaps my favorite, "Big Papi." With an overall sense of well-being washing over me, I've been doing some reflecting this morning, and my (scattered) thoughts are the following:

  • No longer being a babe in the woods, I am under no illusions about what Wednesday night probably was in terms of "making smart choices" (being "smart" was the absolute last thing on my mind), finding a lasting relationship out of those events (umm, unlikely), or well, whatever. But what's awesome is that in my 20s, when this sort of thing happened more regularly, I would have spent the subsequent 48 hours wondering if the dude "liked" me or beating myself up for being easy. This time, I have just been thoroughly enjoying the fact that it happened without feeling guilty. This is fantastic.
  • "Real" boy-craziness - i.e., thinking about a boy (well, man) with whom one has... spent some time... is infinitely more satisfying than the rigamarole with the online dating. Why? Well, because it's not grounded in what basically amounts to a resume. It's grounded in some sort of chemistry - which is the one thing that all of the compatibility matching and such cannot guarantee. Yes, I've met people with whom I'm "compatible" personality-wise, but I have not met people in the online arena with whom I've felt any sort of electricity. And thus, I think one of the things that I disliked about it was how it frustrated any boy-craziness in which I engaged at the moment of first meeting. I love boy-craziness. It's so fun, and such a fine way to spend one's time. Having it disappointed or thwarted at the moment of meeting is a real let-down.
  • While "real" guys may let a girl down ultimately, so too may the imaginary ones, even if the boy-craziness isn't immediately thwarted. I think that I looked at the online dating thing, albeit with a heavy dose of cynicism, as a potential "answer" to the problem of disappointment in love. If only I "matched" with a person online that this would then eliminate some of my (admittedly wide) margin of error. The problem is, I'm not the sort who really buys into the idea that one can shop for a mate like one shops for most things on the internet - comparing costs and features, thinking about the look of the thing, etc. Much as with shopping for a properly fitted pair of trousers (the bane of my existence), I can only do this thing in person because I'm a "hard fit." Maybe. Or so I think at the moment.
  • As for the whole "margin of error" thing, as much as I want a lasting, committed relationship, I wonder if I'm really ready for it. I feel like I "should" be ready, but the thought of giving up all Wednesday Nights like this past one in favor of "settling down" really doesn't sound too appealing to me - not in the abstract without a person attached to it. I'm thinking that maybe I've put the cart before the horse here - that what I need to do is to find a person who inspires that desire to move on to serious commitment rather than having "serious commitment" as the agenda before there's even a person in mind.

So. Today I'm going to go and work at the Family Store for a bit, and then I am going to go with FHS (Friend from High School), her friend H., and FFH's mom shopping and to dinner. Tomorrow I'm spending the morning with my mom, and then I have FFH's graduation and party. Sunday I'm (obviously) spending mother's day with my mother, and then home again home again jiggity jig on Monday.

Oh, and I should probably mention related to the dude of Wednesday night: given the strange circumstances of the night/morning, no contact information was exchanged between us. That said, the great thing about hooking up with people with whom you went to high school is that this doesn't need to make a difference unless you want it to. I'm not sure what I'm thinking about any future contact with him at the moment, but the option is open, should one of us choose to explore it.

2 comments:

helenesch said...

Yeah--everything you said about the online dating thing makes sense to me. I haven't yet even tried it, but I keep looking to see what's out there (on the sites that are accessible to all for free). On these sites, I find very few guys who seem to be "right" for me, and then when I reflect on the men that I know but would never date, I realize that many of them meet my "criteria." I'm not sure if it's the physical attraction alone that's missing, but there just isn't that "spark" or connection. And I'm sure there are men out there with whom I would share this spark/connection who would not appeal to me if I looked at their "stats" or "resume" in writing...

Anyway, I suppose the answer is to live in a place where you can readily encounter real-life persons who might be possible love/sex/relationship interests. My problem (and maybe part of yours?) is that the university town where I live just doesn't offer much possibility...

D.B. said...

I'm sure it's a giant coincidence that you had a great & glorious evening at the start of summer break and that professing wasn't inhibiting that at all.

Crap, who am I kidding. Being an academic is the next best thing to dating grandma. I'm going to go squeeze what pleasure I can from reading Edith Wharton now...