I know. You've been waiting impatiently to hear my report from the weekend, and I have failed to deliver until Tuesday. What is wrong with me? Don't I realize that people all over America, nay, the World, want to know what happened with the Greek?
Well, actually, I'm sure you've not all given it very much thought, but as I did promise an update, I should give one, right? But so here's why I haven't written until now: it's because I didn't quite know how to write yet another post in which I say, "Nice but so not for Dr. Crazy." Is there something wrong with me that this is my response to things with all of these suitors? Is there something wrong with them? What gives?
Before I delve into the analysis of all of that stuff, the deal with the Greek was this. He is huge. By huge, I do not mean "not an Adonis"; I do not mean "I am so picky that I can't overlook some things." I mean that when I sat next to him at the movies that I could hear his breathing, as if it was labored because of the extra weight he's carrying. I mean that when we went to dinner, he had to specify to the person seating us that we needed a table because he's too big to fit in a booth. And so I had a nice time with him, and I he is a nice man, but no. I cannot sign on for somebody who would be a candidate for gastric bypass surgery. And so I didn't know how to write this post for three days because I felt like I was shallow for feeling that way or that I am too judgmental or something, but the thing is, maybe I just need to embrace the fact that I'm shallow, because clearly, from the whole "The Chemist is too small!" and "The Greek is too big!" reactions, I'm only in the market for somebody who is "just right."
Yes, in part this is physical. But it's NOT only physical. It's also that at the end of the day I don't think that I'm looking for "companionship" or "a nice man" to spend time with. Not that I'm looking for a mean man, or that I don't want a companion, but I am not yet at the point that I am willing to settle for any kind of companionship that presents itself to me.
I am not a lonely person. Yes, I have lonely moments. Yes, I want a boyfriend. Yes, I am dying to have some kind of sexual contact with another human being. But I don't think that I'm cut out for a system that is supposed to be built on liking somebody for their personality first. That's not how attraction works for me. And I don't believe (ultimately) that attraction can develop over time. I think that there is an immediate spark with people with whom we might end up - maybe we don't always recognize it as physical attraction or chemistry or romantic feeling, but I do believe that there is an immediate spark that happens in person when we meet somebody. And I don't think that there is any replacement for that.
And maybe it is possible to meet somebody online and then to feel that spark when you meet in person. I'm not saying it isn't. But that has SO not been the case for me.
And so. It is summer. I'm going back to being a free agent. And I feel like somebody will come along. I mean, hell, I met my last pseudo-boyfriend at my house. (Well, I was sitting outside and he was my neighbor's friend, but whatever.) I didn't even go out, and I found a way to get laid. And I've been working out and I look really good right now, and well, I think I'm going to operate on the Field of Dreams theory of dating - that I'm building it, and so they will come. And if by summer's end I'm still in these dire straits? Maybe I'll give online dating another try. Or, more likely? I'm going on the market. It may just be that this city is not for me.
1 year ago