But wait! No! I did read something for pleasure this week.
In fact, if this is not pleasure-reading, I don't know what is. It's certainly not going to make you a better person (as the propaganda surrounding book clubs makes you think reading does) and it's certainly not going to teach you anything about the human spirit (well, unless it's about how happy the human spirit can become when gossiping, or reading the gossip put into the world by others.)
This week, the stories that really stood out were one about the "relationship" (as yet denied) between Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson, a story about visiting Baby Suri (including the Scientology Rules for Baby Visiting, which include saying, "Babyname, you're a winner!!!" to the baby along with refusing the pick the baby up), and all of the gossip and photos from the Teen Choice awards (Can you believe that Nick Lachey noted how "awkward" it was to receive an award at an award show hosted by his ex? And I guess Jess is, like, totally upset that he brought anything up, especially after she made sure that her co-host - and rumoured beau - Dane Cook didn't make any jokes about the split between the former Newlyweds.)
So why do I love Star Magazine, to the point that I have a subscription to it?
- It is truly trashy, both in the content of the "articles" and in the way that "pictures" (often doctored) are presented.
- They make a point of telling the age of every celebrity they mention. And often they will tell the weight as well. In almost every case this information is entirely extraneous.
- I love the way they track celebrities' weight-loss and weight-gain, as it bears little-to-no relationship to how the celebs actually look. Rather, it has to do with where the celebrity falls in what I like to call the "schadenfreude cycle," i.e., those on top must fall for our pleasure, and those who have recently fallen get to go back up. Thus, how much you actually weigh matters not at all, because sometimes you can be a "Weight Loser" and gained too much weight, or you can be a "Weight Winner" and weigh 85 lbs. Or you can be a "Weight Loser" and weigh 85 lbs. and be a "Weight Winner" at 135 lbs. (And yes, I know 135 is still pretty darned skinny, but not for Young Hollywood it isn't.) Oh, and I love how they always note that weights are visual estimates based on the papparazzi pictures and have no relationship to any real number the celeb may way.
- Knifestyles of the Rich and Famous, a weekly feature in which they show before and after pictures of celebs and have plastic surgeons (who have never treated these celebrities) speculate on the kind of plastic surgery the celebs have had.
- On top of all of this, they include fashion and beauty advice, as well as fun crossword and sudoku puzzles, and a weekly horoscope.