I refuse to characterize my weekend as "lazy," although if we look at the facts on paper, I was lazy.
1. I spent most of the day yesterday in bed. Intermittently reading (not for work) and sleeping.
2. I did not deal with anything related to my job as a professor, either today or yesterday. And I've got lots of things that need to be dealt with.
3. I have a big list of chores to accomplish around the house, and I accomplished exactly 1 1/2 things (though they were fairly major things) on the Big List of Chores.
But you know what? I was freaking worn out after the first real week of the semester, especially given that on top of being slammed with teaching, I was also slammed with service. And what I needed, more than clean laundry and more than to "get ahead" on work-related tasks and more than a clean bathroom, was to rest. And so that's what I did.
What I wonder about is why I feel guilty for doing that. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I know that most people my age don't really have the luxury of totally taking a weekend to lie around. No significant other + no kids + tenure = Freedom to Be a Vegetable. My squalor is my own, and if I want to live in it, the only ones to object would be the kitties, but as long as they've got food and clean litter, they really couldn't care less. And yes, I've got things to do for work, but the reality is that if I don't do them today, it just means I'll do them tomorrow or on another day this week. The fact of the matter is, my life is such that I don't have to feel guilty for taking to my bed of a Saturday. And yet, I do.
So here I am, Sunday evening, trying to talk myself out of the guilt. Because, seriously, guilt itself is exhausting, and what I really need is to start this week fresh - not exhausted.
So tonight perhaps I shall do a couple of more things around the house, and I will make an actual list of things to do for tomorrow, things I actually plan to accomplish tomorrow. Otherwise, I think I'm going to continue with the resting and the relaxing. And I'm going to try really hard not to feel guilty about it.
12 years ago
7 comments:
I am jealous beyond measure. Really.
Aayor, you're one of those people in the world whose existence makes me feel guilty! That said, your jealousy makes me feel that I should embrace my good fortune in the moment, for someday, if I ever stop being unencumbered, I may be jealous of others who have this freedom.
Don't feel guilty -- the first week is rough -- the students don't know you, they have lots of nervous energy and many questions/demands etc.. I'm always bushed at the end of the first week.
I think everyone deserves to take a weekend off -- really, it isn't a sin. In fact, there was recently a study that concluded that taking the equivalent of a sabbath (with our without the church part) is good for us both mentally and physically... so, you're being good to yourself. Don't feel guilty.
I had a very similar weekend, although I did do some work on Blackboard...
I'm all for restful weekends, to be taken as often as necessary. I have a hard time enjoying my lazy days, too, though, even when they are completely well-deserved.
I was thinking along your same lines just yesterday, that I lead such a different life than most women my age. My only responsibility on a daily basis is to myself; sometimes that's disconcerting but it does make for a completely different lifestyle than my married, child-ed, 9-5 working girlfriends. Sometimes that sort of bothers me. Other days - especially when I can curl up on the sofa for three uninterrupted hours with a good book - it most certainly does not.
The first week is difficult. So the rest is well-deserved.
I read something else in your post though. You sound a bit lonely.
Aurora,
You know, it's funny. On the one hand I am getting to a place in my life where I feel like I'm looking for a change, but I'm not quite there yet, if that makes sense. This weekend I actually didn't feel lonely at all - or bored, which is what that usually translates into. It was *nice* to have a break from people after the onslaught of people this week. (I'd say that I interacted directly - as in had actual conversations with - 75 people - and that's not including the large groups of people, including students and faculty, that I had to address as a group. That's a lot of freaking people.) I even avoided talking on the phone this weekend, just to get recharged. So on the one hand, yes, I think I am getting to a place where I'm thinking about not wanting to be a singleton. On the other hand, dude, it's a *luxury* not to have to interact with humans after a week like last one.
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