I refuse to characterize my weekend as "lazy," although if we look at the facts on paper, I was lazy.
1. I spent most of the day yesterday in bed. Intermittently reading (not for work) and sleeping.
2. I did not deal with anything related to my job as a professor, either today or yesterday. And I've got lots of things that need to be dealt with.
3. I have a big list of chores to accomplish around the house, and I accomplished exactly 1 1/2 things (though they were fairly major things) on the Big List of Chores.
But you know what? I was freaking worn out after the first real week of the semester, especially given that on top of being slammed with teaching, I was also slammed with service. And what I needed, more than clean laundry and more than to "get ahead" on work-related tasks and more than a clean bathroom, was to rest. And so that's what I did.
What I wonder about is why I feel guilty for doing that. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I know that most people my age don't really have the luxury of totally taking a weekend to lie around. No significant other + no kids + tenure = Freedom to Be a Vegetable. My squalor is my own, and if I want to live in it, the only ones to object would be the kitties, but as long as they've got food and clean litter, they really couldn't care less. And yes, I've got things to do for work, but the reality is that if I don't do them today, it just means I'll do them tomorrow or on another day this week. The fact of the matter is, my life is such that I don't have to feel guilty for taking to my bed of a Saturday. And yet, I do.
So here I am, Sunday evening, trying to talk myself out of the guilt. Because, seriously, guilt itself is exhausting, and what I really need is to start this week fresh - not exhausted.
So tonight perhaps I shall do a couple of more things around the house, and I will make an actual list of things to do for tomorrow, things I actually plan to accomplish tomorrow. Otherwise, I think I'm going to continue with the resting and the relaxing. And I'm going to try really hard not to feel guilty about it.
5 years ago