So anyway. As I do each year, I get all introspective in the lead-up to my birthday. This in part has to do with the fact that I live my life on an academic calendar, so August really feels like the beginning of my year, and well, it's also that August really is the beginning of my year because, dude, this is when I came into this world.
So during the lengthy time in the car to and from Hometown, I did some reflecting on my state of affairs as I edge ever closer toward my 35th year. Here are my conclusions:
- FB is an ass, and a shithead, but I really do love him. That said, is he likely to get his shit together to commit to me? No. But I'd really rather he did. (And yes, I know that I broke it off with him. Except even with that I talk to him all the time and love him with a love that is pure and true. So I'm also an asshole and a shithead, although in an entirely more fabulous and awesome way than he is.)
- Even though I knew I'd get tenure, getting tenure has given me such a sense of peace and centeredness. I had no idea before tenure what tenure would mean to me. It really rocks. I'm really proud of myself and I feel happier than I've felt in years because of it. Seriously.
- I don't know what happens next in my life, but I feel like I just want to take care of myself and to be ready for what comes. I know I love work, and it will likely always be in my top three of important things, and I accept that about myself. But work isn't the most important thing, even if it's a very important thing.
- I wouldn't trade the things that I've experienced in the past 35 years for anything. No regrets. None. I wouldn't trade even the lamest or hardest times I've experienced for another path. And I'm happy that I didn't get married and have kids in my 20s, even though getting married and having kids is something that I worry about now.
- All I aim for in the coming year is health and satisfaction and joy. (Not death, not illness, not drama, which all dominated my 34th year.) I'm not sure what forms those things may take, but those are the aims, and they can come in whatever forms are most convenient.