Friday, January 04, 2008

Who Even Knows What to Title This

Ok, so I had a conversation with someone today, and talk turned to New Year's resolutions. I'll recount the conversation for you here:

He Who Shall Remain Nameless* (HWSRN): So one of my resolutions is to spend no more than one to two hours on the computer each day.

Crazy: Well, that's a good resolution for you. (This is a person who is often pretty much chained to the computer.) But what are you going to do with all of that time you're spending not on the computer?

HWSRN (who enjoys offending Crazy's delicate sensibilities): Well, probably masturbate.

Crazy (chuckling, and then wryly): That's one way to spend all of those newly free hours. I mean, what else would you do with all that time?

HWSRN (in all seriousness): But now with my primary source for porn no longer available, I may need to kick it old school with the magazines.

Crazy (confused): What? (In part Crazy was confused because she'd thought he had changed the subject somehow, and that he was conveying information about fleshbot having gone out of business or something. And no, she's not going to get into how she knows that this is/was one of his porn sources. She doesn't even know why she knows that.)

HWSRN (totally serious): Well, you know, I get most of my porn off the internet, but if I can only be on the computer one to two hours a day, and if I have to do work....

Crazy (finally catching on): Bwahahahaha! You're not serious!

HWSRN (laughing, and yet indignant): Of course I'm serious! It's a real problem!

Crazy (in hysterics): Bwahahaha! That certainly is a problem! Guffaw!

And then, after much laughter on both sides, the conversation continued, and HWSRN told me that I should post about this because not only is it ridiculous and hysterical but also it is, as he says, "true." I hardly know what to say, other than that whenever I think of his earnest concern about what to do for porn, I find myself laughing out loud. I wish I could adequately recapture his earnestness here, but there just aren't words. Back to more serious posts about resolutions, the profession, getting ready for the coming semester, et. al., tomorrow.

*HWSRN asked not to be named with a "regular" pseudonym, as makes perfect sense given the embarrassing nature of the conversation. But HWSRN also gave me leave to post about this, and indeed, told me that I should post about this. I'll admit, I hadn't thought that I *would* post about it, but I really couldn't keep this conversation to myself. (Though I did do so for approximately five hours, which is something.)


rwellor said...


I'm not sure if this would surprise most guys.

Well, I mean the part where the intarwebs have changed porn delivery forever.

When I was a wee lad, my friends and I would head out each Sunday to the dump, because one of us had learned that most porn collections were dumped out on Friday or Saturday (there is a Ph.D waiting for someone who can figure out the sociology of that). And we kept each dog-eared mag we found.

Got older and still occasionally bought mags, then swiped a few VCRs from a parents friend. Then I dropped out of the game, I guess, because about this time I got some actual girlfriends. CDs and DVDs moved in I guess, but it just seemed to much trouble to go to. You could chalk this up to maturity or boredom, I suppose.

The intarwebs changed all this because you didn't have to "get" anything. It was there in three clicks even if you were merely bored.

And guys get bored..

I'm pretty sure that the easy availability of porn on the intarwebs is a bad thing.

Just, you know, not when i'm looking at it. ;-)

marciano said...

The 'sociology' of porn is as old as water, and like badbreath it never goes away, it goes underground after high school only to reappear with undergrads and grads.
My friend Kristen (Ph.D candidate at NYU) makes a living at it--and pays that exhorbitant tuition from the fruits of it!
Check out her site and see how she's raking in the shekels.