Itching for the Semester's End - A Post about Teaching

Really, this semester has gone, with a few exceptions, very well. And yet, well, this semester has been one of the roughest on me in some ways since my first year at this job. Part of that is real life stuff that's caused static, part of it is the tenure/book business, part of it is that it's the first time I've been back teaching four courses in a few years, which is an adjustment (though I will say the fact that I'm not doing a traditional comp class, let alone two, has made the burden lighter). I also feel like maybe the reason it's felt rough is that I do feel like I've been growing as a teacher this semester, and realizing some things that I need to change to make my life easier. So let's look at the courses I'm teaching, and how things are going.

The Web-Based Course:
Well, this was my first ever time doing it, so there are some glitches. First, I assigned myself way too much work to ever keep up. In terms of prep the course has involved exactly nothing (did it all before the semester began) but in terms of keeping up with graded assignments and in terms of being "present" in the course, things fell apart for me around midterm. I'm glad I'll be teaching it again next semester, because I've learned a lot from these problems. Some things I'll change: 1) I'm going to cut the number of scheduled real-time interaction opportunities in half. Because while the requirement for student attendance is reasonable, the requirement for my attendance each and every freaking week totally isn't. 2) I was sort of... well, let's use the more neutral word... "encouraged" to include an assignment sequence in the course in which I don't really believe and that is a total time-suck. I'm not going to eliminate it altogether (as I think that would be bad politically) but I am going to scale it back to make it less of a time-suck for me. 3) I need to be stronger on giving instructions for certain tech things early, because STILL certain students seem just not to get it. While for me this stuff is intuitive, for some students it apparently isn't. I also need to state more strongly up front that if you don't understand the INCREDIBLY CLEAR assignments, perhaps you shouldn't be taking an online class. This class is not populated with distance students for the most part, but rather with students from a wide range of ability backgrounds who think online = easy. And at least a few of them really can't handle the independent nature of the course medium. The fact of the matter is, I can't walk an individual student through each and every assignment any more clearly than the assignment sheets do. As far as I can tell, the problem with this method of course delivery (for me) is that it cuts out the multiple kinds of delivery and reinforcement that are possible in the "traditional" classroom. Actually, in that regard, I feel like this method of delivery is more - not less - "traditional" than what I do in my other classes. Not all students can handle that model for learning, and with four classes, and I can't handle the time required to do the basic work of the course and to get the outliers (over and over again) up to speed. Anyway, all of this is good to know as a teacher, and I think it will really help me to improve my performance in the course in the spring. Finally, if I've learned anything that's not totally about me but that would be useful to others, I would strongly discourage anybody who's thinking of trying to teach online for the first time to wait until they're in a position where 1) they can really devote themselves to learning the medium without fear that it will negatively affect performance reviews, tenure outcomes, etc., 2) they will have the opportunity to teach the course repeatedly over the course of multiple semesters in a row, so that they can really fine-tune the course and think about their pedagogy as they do so. I'm glad that both of those things are in place for me, and I can't imagine doing this if they weren't.

Gen Ed. Course #1
This course flies along with the greatest of ease, perhaps because I've taught it every fall of my life on the tenure-track. Sure, I've changed texts in and out, but the assignments are set and my schtick for what I do in each unit is like second-nature. I've become much stronger in terms of my ability to engage students of varying ability and interest levels, and I feel like I have the freedom to experiment in there. I also was very excited to see VAST improvement on their second test, so they really are learning. I could teach this course every fall until I retire and I'd be completely content. Is it my most favorite course to teach? No. But I really love teaching in the Gen. Ed. curriculum, and I really love that doing so allows me to introduce students to my field.

Gen. Ed. Course #2
In contrast, this course is feeling a bit stale. I've taught it four times in a row now, and I'm bored. It doesn't help that I'm also in a wacky classroom for the course, which has messed with the dynamic of how the students interact and of how I interact with them. I won't be teaching it next semester, which I think is a good thing, and so I'm going to change it up a bit before I teach it again in the fall. I need to change one assignment, and I need to think about changing some texts, I think. If I haven't done so to this point it's because this course is very well designed (if I do say so myself), and so I've felt like changing it would be a lame move. However, if I'm bored, I'm a less good teacher. So some changes are in the offing for it.

The Most Fantastic Course Ever
Oh, how I will miss this course, and these students, when the semester is through! This is my second time teaching a version of this course (it used to be focused on three authors - now just two), and in many respects this is the paradigm of a course that many would argue a) would never fly at an institution like mine and b) that students at an institution like mine would hate with a fiery passion. But no! It is perfect! The students are on fire! It is amazing! Now, in part this is because I've got a solid core of frequent flyers in the course, and they set the tone early in the semester for the level of discourse. In part this is because I've learned enough about my own teaching since I last did the course that I my expectations are a lot more reasonable - both for what I can achieve and for what will work for them. (Note: that doesn't mean dumbing down the material at all - it just means I'm no longer teaching in a weird grad-school-produced vacuum. I've gotten better at making the tough stuff accessible, and they've gotten better about knowing what to expect from me as a professor before they ever enroll in my classes. I was still basically a new hire the first time I taught a version of this course, and that meant that the combination of me being green and them only taking the course because they needed it for graduation and because it fit with their schedules doomed us all to mediocrity.) I also think I'm a better teacher of this course because of bringing the book to publication. I'm no longer teaching this course in dissertation-ese. That makes such a huge difference.

So why am I so looking forward to next semester's teaching and to summer teaching?

The web-based course:
I'll have the chance to do some tweaking, and to really think more deeply about how my pedagogy works within this delivery method. And having done it one time, I do feel like I have a better sense of the challenges of teaching in this medium, so I can head some of them off at the pass. I'm excited to grow into this course.

Gen Ed. Course:
It's my favorite one of these that I teach. I will be teaching it both in the spring and summer, and it, like Gen. Ed. Course #1 from the fall is a well-oiled machine. The assignments are great, the pace is great. I love the things I'm teaching in there right now, and with the changes I made to it in terms of texts last year, nothing feels stale or in any way awkward. And, since I teach it so frequently, it requires like zero prep. Huzzah! It's just a course that is the fun of talking about fun literature with students! Hurray!

Course Required for Majors (my first time teaching it):
I'm a bit trepidatious about this one, though also excited. Reasons for trepidation: how I will teach this course promises to be more... demanding... than the way that some who have taught the course teach it. And if those who have enrolled are anticipating the less demanding version of things, I may face some resistance from students. However, I've got one student from the Best Class Ever taking it, and one student from a few semesters back from the gen. ed. course above who's also enrolled, and that will help with getting the other students on board. Reasons for excitement: I love the set-up of the syllabus, I think I've chosen good books, and I like the way that I've integrated film into the course as a touchstone for our discussions. This course promises to be a world of prep for me, but I also think that doing the prep will be good for my research, and it will energize me toward thinking about taking on a project worthy of a sabbatical, for I do fully intend to apply for a sabbatical next year, which I would take in either fall or spring of the 2010-2011 academic year. I still don't know whether I want that project to be a new book project or whether I want it to be a series of articles. Both options have merits, but the biggest merit of any such project would be that I would get to take a sabbatical! Crazy needs a break from teaching, people! Holla!

Upper-Level Course in My Field:
I've changed out a couple of novels in this course, and now I'm including one that I've not read since grad school, so that will be exciting. I'm also excited about this course because it will be populated with students whom I don't know, for the most part, and I need to get to work on creating a new fan base for my courses since I'm losing my cadre of student-peeps to graduation in the spring. I love this course because it's one of the few they take in our curriculum for majors that gets them reading stuff by Live Authors. (Our curriculum is stuck in like 1960.) Indeed, not a dead one in the bunch. This is exciting for them and for me.

And then in the summer, I'll also be teaching....

Grad Course:
This will be my first time teaching in our M.A. program. So that will provide an interesting challenge, a challenge which will be doubled given the abbreviated schedule of summer sessions. This course will not just be a ramped up version of something I teach at the undergrad level. Rather, I'm taking this as an opportunity to teach all new stuff - indeed, I'll be teaching a lot that I've not read (but have intended to read and which I should have read ages ago) - and to teach around a theme that wouldn't necessarily work at the undergrad level because of the topic. I think it's going to be a neat experiment, and I think I'm going to like the intensity of doing it for the first time in the summer, engaging with this material for (often) the first time right along with them. Also, the grading for the grad class will be easier than doing an undergrad class in the summer, since most of what I'll have to grade will be the seminar papers at the very end, as opposed to grading a lot of shorter assignments/tests with less turn-around time.

***

You will notice that over the course of this year I'm teaching eight different courses, two of which are brand spanking new preps. I should note that this is my preference, and not some draconian practice that's common in my department. If I wanted, I could teach the same courses with greater frequency, as opposed to having such a spread-out rotation. If I wanted, I could be teaching sections (like two or three of the same lower-level course plus my upper-level course in my field), but sections make me feel crazy, and not in a good way. See, I'm not one of those people who separates teaching from my intellectual and scholarly pursuits, mainly because I suck at doing that (not because I'm some sort of Super-Academic). When I've taught sections, I feel really irritated by them, partly because of the necessity of keeping the sections on the same schedule, partly because I like to fly by the seat of my pants in the classroom and so I have a hard time keeping track of what I've talked about in one class vs. another, and partly because I ultimately find them boring (esp. when it comes to reading twice as many papers on the same topics). I learned this early on in my time on the tenure-track, and so I've moved toward four preps per semester, in large part because that keeps me on my toes mentally and because I really enjoy doing lots of different things. Also, this has worked for me in terms of combining teaching and research interests, so prep for class ends up being research and thinking for scholarly endeavors. This is actually a reason why I think I wouldn't necessarily thrive at a research-intensive institution: I wonder whether I'd ever produce research if it wasn't tied so closely to what I do in the classroom. I'm inherently a pretty lazy person, when left to my own devices: teaching something forces me to do the work in a way that some abstract idea for a research project doesn't because I feel like I've got a responsibility to my students and I don't feel like I have a responsibility to Deep Thoughts. And teaching provides deadlines: you can't put off reading the novel that is on the syllabus for class the way that you can put off reading a novel that might be interesting for an article that maybe someday you'll write. Finally, teaching provides a forum for conversation. I can't tell you how many times just discussing books with my students has made something click in my head related to my research endeavors. The fact is, given the teaching loads of my colleagues, we don't really discuss our research interests or projects with any regularity, and we don't have much time for the conference circuit. With that being the case, if I don't use my students for those sorts of conversations, I'm operating in a vacuum 99% of the academic year.

Now, if you were to talk to many of my colleagues at my institution, and describe my thoughts on the matter, they'd say that I'm a nut. Many of them would dispute the connection that I draw between what I do in terms of my teaching schedule and scholarly productivity. And my grad school mentors and peeps at more research-intensive places most certainly think that I work in a sweatshop and that I'm either a masochist or a victim. But you know what? The proof is in the pudding. I feel intellectually stimulated, I'm productive, and I'm happiest when I'm not focused on one thing in a single-minded sort of a way (which for me quickly devolves into obsession and actually stalls productivity, cf. the time of doom when I had writer's block during dissertating).

So I kind of think that happiness at an institution like mine, if you care about research, is deeply linked to these sorts of work habits. YMMV and all that, but perhaps as those of you who are on the market think about where you might thrive on the tenure-track, this narrative will be useful to you. I'll say this, though, to temper my thoughts here: it only works because while I teach a lot of different preps, I do teach the same courses over and over again, and so they're not all NEW preps or infrequently taught preps, and a lot of my courses allow me to use similar prep in various slightly tweaked forms. My upper-level courses are always linked to my area of research expertise and use the same basic assignment and course design structure, an important part of which is using student presentations to convey some background info so that I don't have to prep it, and my gen. ed. courses are like well-oiled machines that vary very little from semester to semester in terms of content, structure, and design. And I could not have managed if I started off doing things this way. I needed those semesters with sections in the beginning in order to get my sea legs, as much as I disliked teaching sections. This only works now because I had very reasonable teaching assignments for the first few years. Oh, and it also matters that I have near total autonomy in choosing when I teach: this also couldn't work if I were required to be on campus at weird times, or if I had to change back and forth between a 3-day-a-week, 2-day-a-week, and 1-day-a-week schedule for the same class from semester to semester. So I'm in no way saying that there aren't variables that would make this unworkable, even given my natural predilection for this sort of set-up. There certainly are. But as things actually are, I actually really enjoy the variety I've achieved in my teaching life and it works for me.

Ummm.... I'm Not Entirely Sure What's Getting Into Me....

But I think that (in spite of the fact that my ear kind of hurts and I'm coming down with a cold I think) I've got my mojo back.

1. I graded a stack of assignments.
2. I agreed to put together a paper for PCA in New Orleans, although I've no idea what I'll actually talk about.
3. I started thinking in earnest about two other conference papers. (How is it that I'm for sure going to attend two conferences, have just agreed to a third, and actually have been strongly considering a fourth? When I was supposedly taking the year off?)
4. I found out that I'm for sure teaching a grad class this summer (huzzah!) but that means that I need actually to, I don't know, read the books that will be on the syllabus, as for the most part I'm venturing into brand new territory with this class.

Where all of this work energy is coming from I have no idea, because seriously, I really do think I'm coming down with something.

Things That Make Me Happy

I don't want to be all gratitude-journal-y, but I've been trying over the past few days to focus on the positive, and I feel like the academic blogosphere, given our point in the academic calendar and the job-search season and the grad school application season, can use some warm fuzzies. So. Here are the things in my life as a professor that make me happy today.

• That by a quirk of scheduling this week I got to teach what I really do think may be my absolute favorite thing of all the things I teach. On the surface, the story is depressing. Dead parents, dead-end lives, and attempted suicide are all parts of this text. And yet - and yet - there is the fact that there may be a blow-job in this text. Ah, 'tis so fun! The laughter! The blushing! The wonderful discussion that results!
  
• That I finished one big stack of grading.
• That I'm really at home at my university. Good to have realized this and to feel really solid about it in my tenure year. And nice to appreciate just how great the community here is and how great my colleagues are.
  
• That I have the privilege of teaching my awesome students in my most awesomest class ever. I am so sad that so many of them are graduating this year!
  
• The fact that my upper-level class in my field for the spring has already reached the enrollment minimum, that it's populated with students that I for the most part don't know, and that juniors haven't even really begun scheduling.
• That once again I've been invited to a celebratory dinner for a student honorary society. The students choose who to invite, and not every faculty member gets one of these coveted invitations, and let me tell you: the awesome students in my department? They think that I rock. I love that this is true.
• That what angst I'd been feeling about the book and about the tenure process seems to be in check. I'm not saying it's over - it ain't over until the fat lady sings and all that - but I'm feeling centered and good and like the world might not come to an end. Revolutionary.
  
• That I finally seem to have come to terms with the fact that while the job isn't the end-all-be-all, it is something that I really love, and there's no reason to feel badly about the fact that I love it as I do.
• That I don't actually feel disappointed that I may be out of the running for JWIBSNA. This is really groundbreaking, that this fact isn't fucking with my sense of self-worth.
• That my article does seem to be inching, however slowly, toward publication, and that it's an article that I really feel makes a significant contribution to the field, which I have rarely felt about my scholarship.
  
• That I saw one of my first students ever at this institution, the first student who shouted "Hey, Dr. Crazy!" across the quad at me (which was huge as I was newly minted and nobody had ever done that before), a student who did not start out as an English major and whom I converted, and in spite of some sucky circumstances over the past year or two, the student is doing fantastically well and is about to graduate and hurray!
• That everybody loves my hair. Ok, so that's not an academic thing per se, but I've gotten lots of compliments at school about it, and so I'm throwing it into the mix even though it's a stupid thing to care about. Also (as this is the fake bullet of academic happiness) I feel that part of the reason people are giving me all these compliments is because the weight loss is just generally making me look better. And it's been inspiring me to dress better for school, partly because I have clothes that actually fit me properly what with the 8-10 lbs I've shed. And so no, this isn't really academic happiness, but it bleeds over into my academic life.

So yes, all is not pain just because it's November in academic-land. And for those of you who are feeling like it is, well, it's entirely possible that not every November will feel as crappy as this November does for you. I'll tell you: I've had some shitty freaking Novembers in my time. It's nice to finally feel like that's not a life sentence of shitty Novembers, even with the horrible events (in my world) of this past week.

Provisional Good-ish News

So, I've had this essay out for review at a Fancy-Pants Journal for lo, these many months. I'd stopped myself from inquiring about it because the last I'd heard, they were waiting on an overdue report and I figured no news meant at least I wasn't rejected, so I'd let the thing lie. But since it's been six months, I figured I should check in just to make sure it hadn't disappeared into the ether. At any rate, it's been through one level of review (apparently there are multiple levels), the editor of the journal then decided those reports meant that it was good enough to proceed to the next level of review (see - told you it was Fancy-Pants, because dude with all of these levels of review! I had no idea there'd be all of this crap), and apparently the first report from that level of review recommends to publish, and they await the second report. I suppose that the reports may end up disagreeing, so this isn't actual good news yet, but it gives me hope that this thing will ultimately see the light of day sometime in the next year or two. I just hope the thing doesn't stall out with the second reviewer, meaning that I need to revise and resubmit or that I need to submit it elsewhere and start the process over from scratch.

I decided to post about this in part because I think it's useful to make the timeline for publication more transparent than it typically is. My experiences have been so varied with this - the Collection Article that Languishes continues to languish, and it's about 4 1/2 years since I presented the conference paper on which it was based. In contrast, I've had other articles that made it from inception to publication within like 9 months. In this particular case, the thing's been under review for like 6 months (in part because I submitted it at the start of summer, which is not good timing, we should all note), and I expect I won't hear anything definitive until the start of the new year, and if I hear positive news, I suspect the thing won't be out until 2010. This isn't terribly stressful for me because I'm not at an institution where publication rules the day, but I imagine if I were on the market without a permanent job, or if I were at a research-intensive institution, the time involved in getting things to publication would probably have me in a constant state of anxiety. I mean, I suppose I'd have more out at a given time than I typically do now were that the case, so perhaps I wouldn't be so focused on each individual article, but still. I suppose the moral of the story is, thank god I wasn't counting on this particular article to shore up my tenure case. At the pace things are going, I'll be lucky to hear what's up with it before the decision is made.

In other news, my prospects for JWIBSNA, if he wiki is to be believed, have diminished. Apparently calls for writing samples have gone out, and I've not received one. Obviously it's still early, and it could be that they're not making those requests all at the same time, or that they're not making them of all candidates. Whatever the case, feeling like I'm potentially out of the running actually makes me feel better and not worse - for it means that I've got one less thing to be angsty about.

RBOC of Let's Put Something Else at the Top of the Page

• So I got an email today from some blog-ranking site that congratulated me for having a 7.8 out of 10 ranking for a personal blog. Because I'm an overachieving college professor, I feel like that makes my blog a C blog, which made me disgruntled. I'm not a C-level person! But then I realized that because my blog isn't actually a personal blog in a lot of ways that it's probably about right. And also, there are a gajillion blogs in the world, and if I'm being put into competition with a blog like Dooce (9.5), of course my blog is a C-level sort of blog. Whatevs. At least it ranks, and at least it's a C+ and not like a C- or D or something.
  
• I met with two students today, and it looks like the Club for Nerds (as I affectionately think of it) that they're proposing will happen. I'm actually really excited. Because, like my students, I'm a Nerd. That said, I did advise them to broaden the scope a bit, to attract members aside from the people who have taken classes with me.
• I've also been thinking a lot today about preparedness and how that translates (or doesn't) into writing ability - specifically, the ability to come up with a clear and precise thesis statement. Something specific in the blogosphere (I think) made me think about this but I'm not sure what so I can't link. At any rate, here's my theory of the relationship between preparedness/training and whether students can write a thesis statement: there isn't one. The longer that I've been teaching, and my teaching even within my field emphasizes writing, the more I believe that this whole "thesis statement" and "clear and precise argument" business has little to do with instructions and more to do with a student's personal readiness for getting what that means and what the value of that is. In other words, I really think that a student will reach a point, with reinforcement obviously, where something "clicks," but having one or more classes that emphasize this, or having this stuff emphasized in high school, doesn't necessarily produce that "click." And so if that's the case, my theory is that we can't depend on high school, or freshmen writing, or whatever, to produce students who can write. The thing is, students need to be writing all the time across a variety of courses in order to have the opportunity for clicking. And I think that clicking happens, in part, based on maturity, personal readiness, and life experience. I'm not sure it has all that much to do with the teacher (assuming the teacher is attempting to convey the necessary ideas about this stuff - obviously a teacher who isn't won't produce the desired result whatever the student's level of personal readiness, maturity, and life experience).
• I'm in love with the band Kings of Leon. Seriously. Sure, I have a hard time figuring out what the fuck they're singing, in terms of the lyrics, but with this band, I don't actually care if I understand the lyrics. Any band that makes me feel that is one freaking awesome band. Rock and roll, my friends. Rock and roll.
  
• FB.... He sometimes knows me better than I know myself. And is often really quite sensitive and insightful. Of course, he's smug about that fact, which makes him awfully annoying, but I feel the need to give him a shout-out for his awesomeness of late, because really, he's just... fantastic. Even if smug and annoying.
• In other news, I finished reading the Twilight books. My verdict: I actually liked the most recent book best, mainly because I hated the narrator-protagonist Bella Swan for most of the first three of the four novels. Indeed, she reminded me why it's entirely awesome that I'm no longer in high school and no longer an obsessive, angst-ridden teen. It's because both of those identities are utterly tiresome - both for the person who inhabits them and for all who have to deal with that person. The last book, in contrast, leaves her narration for a good portion, and when we return to her head she's a vampire and doesn't suck nearly so hardcore. The series is troubling to me on many counts, all mainly to do with Bella, but reading it did take me out of my tenure-review-book-coming-out funk. Total cotton candy reading. And the last novel reminds me of Anne Rice in a good way, which the first three do not.
  
• Speaking of cotton candy reading, I also just read the three books in Maria V. Snyder's "Study Series." Are these the best that American writing has to offer? No. Are they action-packed, with a strong heroine, and totally pleasureable to read? Indeed. And they're also not the worst books I've ever read in my life, and I've read some crappy freaking books for pleasure. Don't believe me? Think Judith Krantz, people.
  
• The thing that makes this week especially hard for me is that it's what I often think of as the "Death, Sweet Death" week in two of the four classes. It's Veteran's Day tomorrow, and in two of the four classes, we're all about the WWI-related lit, which requires me to explain the horrors of trench warfare, to talk about the transience of human life, and about how little we know those whom we love and how we all die ALONE. Not ideal, given the current real-life goings on in my department. But, on the other hand, this literature provides a certain kind of solace. What happened this week is kind of the point of this kind of literature. It's just hard to be the person who's supposed to shepherd them through this emotional and existential landmine, particularly at this time.
• But most of all, I'm thinking about the person that I (and so many others) lost, and I'm thinking about the fact that I'll never be able to listen to Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" without feeling a little bit sad. And that sucks, man. Because that's a happy and awesome fucking song. That said, I'll also feel happy, because I know how that person would rock it out to that song (on LP, no less), and how happily he'd do so.
  

Grief

There's been news in regard to the situation that I've mentioned in my past couple of posts. Blogging will be light for the foreseeable future.

Sunday: Day of Work or Day of Procrastination?

First of all, thanks for any good vibes you've been able to send re: my last post. The situation remains very not good, as far as I've heard, which hasn't been much. I'm trying to keep the idea that no news is good news in mind, and to think as many positive and healing thoughts as I can.

But so on to the day ahead of me. Will I accomplish a great many things, or will I not accomplish a great many things? Hmmm. I think I may go a middle route, attempting some balance of productivity (making a big pot of chili, dealing with the grading and prep for the week for one of four classes, working out, sorting laundry, and making the kitchen spic and span after the cooking) and slack (continuing to read the "fun" books that I started reading this weekend and which I've been plowing through with reckless abandon).

I've hit what I think is my first plateau with Operation Fitness. I was going along like gangbusters, but I've hit the moment where I typically rest on my laurels and then ruin what progress I've made. This is why working out this weekend is imperative. I need to get back in the mindset that I'm working toward something more, so that I don't lose what progress I've made.

Hmmm. I think that's all to report on this end.

Oh, but a question:

This portion of this post has poofed because apparently sometimes all I need to do is to ask a question in order to come up with the answer myself. If you missed the previous version of this post, I'd asked for people to give me suggestions for films to use as points of reference in a class I'll be teaching in the future, but since doing so, I finally forced myself to figure out what I wanted to use. Funny how that works, huh? There is a large part of me that is so pleased with myself that I want to reveal what I've chosen, but that would sort of defeat the purpose of the poofing.

Stymied

I've been trying to figure out all night how to write about a thing that happened today. It's not really mine to write about; it's not really something I can write about in any sort of detail without compromising my decisions about what should happen in this space, in regard to what I communicate about things not directly related to me. I know I can seem like I write about "everything" here, but actually I don't. I write about most everything with me, but there's a lot that I don't write about. So anyway, consider this vague request: if you believe in praying, or if you believe in sending good vibes into the universe, or whatever, this would be a good time for that. Not for me, but for someone who needs all of the prayers and good vibes available, someone who is really one of the most genuine and wonderful people and who is facing something that is unexpected and awful.

In Which I'm STILL Ridiculously behind on Grading

It's all my own fault. It's not like I've not had the time. But between being too keyed up because of the election and my own innate laziness, well.

I actually am ready to hand back papers in one class today, and I'll also hand back some ridiculously overdue assignments in the class after that (thank god they're watching a movie so I can finish up!), but still, that leaves a stack each for my other two classes. I want to die.

In other news, I'm also starting on a new novel in one class today, for which I've not really prepped. Good times.

I don't know about you all, but I am just DONE with this semester. The problem is, the semester won't actually be done until December.

In exciting news, pre-registration began this week, and even though I've done like no advertising for my upper-level class in my field, and even though only honors students and athletes have been able to register so far, I've already got three enrolled. I am popular! My classes no longer (knock wood) face the danger of not making enrollment! Obviously I'm in no way to the enrollment minimum in there yet, but with this early response, I'm feeling quite at ease about the whole thing. And, because I'm a jerk who doesn't want to do her work right now, I'm more excited on getting going with that class than in finishing the Awesome one currently in progress. Sigh.

I Didn't Think I'd Be So Happy

But I am so, so happy. And so proud of my vote. Even if my vote didn't really actually count in my stupid state. Damn the electoral college.

In other news, I am also happy (because I'm obsessed with food) about the lentil soup I made today. Although this recipe also makes it essential that I acquire a food mill (I made due today with a homemade sort of version, using a mesh sieve and spoon), which I had formerly thought was a totally stupid thing to own.

And I'm a little sad that Barack Obama's grandma didn't live to see him elected president, but I also believe, as he said in his speech, that she, wherever she is, knows he did. In my version of the afterlife, the people you love and who love you know when awesome things happen and they're super-excited about those things for you.

I also sort of can't believe that we're done with the past eight years. Whatever comes next, things will be different. And I'm so excited that we'll have little kids in the white house again. And I'm so excited for the non-suit-wearing Michelle Obama. Dresses, people! It's all about dresses! I'm also excited for Michelle Obama because I really do feel like she'll be a new kind of First Lady.

So those are my disjointed thoughts. I'm ecstatic. And pleased about First Lady fashion. And I think the lentil soup recipe I posted is really worth it for all to try.

(By the way, most of the new recipes I've made recently are from this cookbook, which, so far, doesn't have a bad recipe in it. So if you're looking for a cookbook, picking this one up could be worth it.)

Election Day! Hurray!

So I've done my civic duty and cast my ballot. There was a longer line than I've typically experienced - indeed, rather than it being just me and the old people working at my polling place, there were about 6 people there ahead of me. My polling place has *two* voting machines - yep, just two - and so the fact that there were about 6 people there meant I had about a 10 minute wait. Of the people there, only one other person and I were under retirement age.

So, now it's time to grade all day and to watch the news. Good times.

Coming up for Air, Part II: Some Extended Ramblings

Before I begin, let me just state for the record that what I'm about to write about here is just about me. It's not meant to be some universal decree about everybody's experience, nor do I think that what I'm about to describe is how it "has to" be or how it "should" or even how it "is" in "reality." It's just some stuff that I've been thinking about in relation to my own current state of emotional upheaval. My thoughts promise to be scattered, but I feel like it's worth writing this crap out in this space.

So where to begin? I suppose the first thing that I should acknowledge here is that any angst I've been feeling of late has nothing to do with concerns about my prospects for getting a positive tenure decision. I've done all of the things plus extra. I know that. My colleagues generally like me and have been nothing but supportive. I know that, too. And I've gotten positive recommendations in two of the four main parts of our process, so you'd think that would make me less - not more - stressed out.

So what's my damage? (I use that particular turn of phrase partly for the fun John Hughes Movieness of it, but also because I'm coming to think that my nutso behavior of late is really about "damage," at least in some sense.) I suppose I think that part of it is that I'm not supposed to be freaked out. Going up for tenure is not like finishing/defending one's dissertation in one crucial way: "everybody" seems to acknowledge that completing the Ph.D. is a painful experience. One that causes distress. A major life change. What's weird about the whole "tenure" business is that unless one is in some sort of "trouble" or has "cause for concern," people don't seem to acknowledge in a broad way how distressing just the experience of putting oneself under that kind of scrutiny is. And I'd say the same goes for the whole book publication thing. People assume, rightly or wrongly, that one is supposed to be "happy" about these things, that one is supposed to feel pleasure in the accomplishment of these things. That it merely confirms that you're awesome, and not that it signifies a major self-identity shift.

Now, let me just say, it's not that I'm unhappy exactly about those things, in the abstract. In the abstract, I'm quite proud of myself. It's just I hadn't quite anticipated how... unhinged... these two things would make me feel. In a lot of ways, where I am now is where people who enter this profession hope to end up. I feel positive about earning tenure; I have a freaking book that was accepted for publication, in a time when fewer and fewer scholarly books are being published, and I'm in a book field. I've managed these things in a job that people might look at as being not ideal on paper, but in reality, I really like my job. So in that regard, where I am right now is like this whole hopeful thing, where people can say, "Look! It's possible! Crazy has done these things! I, too, can do these things!" And it's true. I have done these things, which all of the doom and gloom about the market in English, about publishing in English, etc., ad infinitum, often makes to seem impossible.

But with all of that said, how these things feel isn't necessarily grand. In part I feel guilty for not being all celebratory and enthusiastic. Lots of people would feel very happy indeed to be in my position. Who do I think I am that I'm not over the moon at this particular juncture? And not only do I feel guilty, but also I feel like nobody wants to hear it that I'm not just super-ecstatic over where I am at this juncture. This is how it's not like finishing the diss: then, everybody got it that I was a train wreck, and indeed, there was a lot of commiserating. This is not to say that there is no commiserating now, but it's typically only with people who've already been through this wringer (who, by the by, have been fantastic) and who are not at my institution. I don't feel like I have any peeps who are in exactly the place I'm in, really. And that's nobody's fault - I think a lot of academics keep these feelings, if they have them, under wraps when they're in the middle of the process (because of the whole guilt thing, or because they're superstitious, whatever). And it makes sense that none of my colleagues in my department who are also going up this year are commiserating with me: I've got the strongest case of the lot, and everybody knows it, so obviously if there's commiserating going on, I wouldn't be included.

You know what's scariest about both going up for tenure and the book coming out for me? It's that I feel trapped. I do not feel, as I did when I finished the Ph.D., that everything that "really" mattered was ahead of me, like anything could happen. And yes, a lot of that feeling was uncertainty about my future, and that sucked in its own way, but I felt tremendously (perhaps foolishly?) hopeful. Now, all of those hopes that I had then are about to be achieved. And that makes me feel like I'm locked in. Like these things, rather than opening up new possibilities, confine me. And I feel like I'm under a horrifyingly powerful microscope, and like everybody is going to see, ultimately, that while I've talked a good game that really I'm a twit and a fraud. (Ah, imposter syndrome! It rears its head at the most inconvenient junctures.)

To some extent, I realize that the answer to what I'm feeling right now is to find a new project, a new goal, or seven, and to stop dwelling on these things that are now out of my control and that, really, are in the past. (Indeed, the scrutiny is happening now, but the work in both cases is done.) If I haven't done this, a lot of it is because I've also been thinking a lot about certain sacrifices I've made along the way toward this particular end. I'm not sure I want to continue to sacrifice the same things. I'm not sure what comes next, not because I believe there won't be a "next thing" but because I don't want to choose a "next thing" by default, out of habit. And that, well, that's uncomfortable. It would be easier just to start a new book project, honestly, or to plan a series of articles, or to develop 27 new courses, or whatever. Because I know now how all of that works. But I feel pretty confident that I need to choose whatever comes next pretty consciously and in a calculated way. I need to decide and to choose, on purpose. I know that will be good in the long run, but it's a hard thing to do, to be measured and to wait and to consider. I'm much better with acting first and thinking later, with doing whatever falls into my lap. In choosing not to do that right now, I'm responsible for a lot of the angst I'm feeling right now, but I also feel like it's better to move through this and to force myself through this rather than to do the easiest possible thing.

What's sick is that if JWIBSNA ends up resulting in anything, then a lot of this angst will have been for nothing, for I'd just go through some version of it again in two or so years. This is why I almost hope nothing happens with JWIBSNA, because then at least I'll have been going through this current rough patch with a clear end in sight.

Finally, there's this thing that's been bothering me. So I've talked a bit about the one class I'm teaching this semester, that is probably the best class I've ever taught in my life and in which I'm directly teaching in my specialization. So, a group of students from this course - amazing students - approached me because they wanted to know whether I'd help them form a reading group and advise them about what to read, so that they could do more in Specialization Field. All of these students, in spite of my straight-talk about going to grad school for English, are thinking of grad school. Note: Specialization Field is one of the most notoriously competitive, which I didn't really realize when I began my journey into academia as an undergrad, both in terms of getting into grad school and in terms of the job market. Now, on the one hand, I feel utterly gratified by the fact that I've inspired these students, all of whom work and have complicated lives, etc., to want to do something of this magnitude in their free time. (Also note that it's highly unusual for students to want to do this sort of thing at this institution, as a rule.) I'm just... I'm astonished by their curiosity and their motivation and their interest in stuff that typically students sort of hate me for teaching them. But with what I'm going through now, I also feel like I want to warn them off (which of course I won't, because while I do enjoy crushing spirits and all, I could never do that to this group of students who is so utterly enthusiastic) and refuse to encourage what I now realize (in dark moments) is a pretty fraught path. I know how amazing they are, but I also know how horribly competitive it is. And I know that they don't have a pedigree that's necessarily going to get them where they want to go. This is a no-name regional institution, and these students are in part responding to the material that I teach because I challenge them, which is not their experience in all of their classes. They're so bright. And I honestly feel like anybody who really pushed them would elicit this response, whatever the material. They're just so thirsty for challenge. And yes, Specialization Field offers challenge all on its own without me. What I offer, I hope, is that I make that crap accessible and cool, in spite of its notorious difficulty. Thus, the request that I sponsor their super-secret Specialization Society.

I somehow wish I could convey to them that while I am, truly, fascinated by this material, that it's not the only material, and that their feelings about it are colored by the fact that I'm challenging them. I wish I could convey to them how scared I am for their futures if they go down this road, even though I know that if I did so then it would be utterly fucked up and would so not be good for me to do as a teacher of these students, because it would be more about my weird issues than it would be about making a conscious choice as a teacher. And also, part of me loves that they are loving what I love. Even though I also hate that I feel that way, because I really think it's fucked up to produce a bunch of mini-me type students, and I actively try not to do that, but I feel like how I'm feeling right now is about giving in to that impulse, which I despise. I have no interest in populating a bunch of grad programs, and then finally adjunct lines, with former students of mine. The thought of that is utterly disgusting to me.

But so obviously I'm going to help them. How could I not? But the thought that I'm perpetuating a cycle that has left me, at this current juncture, a hot mess, well, it really does bother me. I know that their interest isn't only about me, but I fear that more of it is about me than is necessarily good for them. And I don't want this world that is academia to chew them up and spit them out. And I don't know how to express that, if I haven't already communicated that to them at this point. (As you might imagine, I'm very up front about the realities of grad school, the job market, and the job of professor in my field. Not in a discouraging way, but in a way that is about communicating information. The problem is, students seem to listen selectively.)

Just like I once listened selectively to the advice that was offered to me. And so I'm in this weird place, where I'm questioning a lot of things about my life as a professor, while at the same time I'm in this position of authority and mentorship for a group of students who are truly intellectually engaged in the material that drew me to the profession in the first place and who really want me to guide them. How do I do that, feeling how I'm feeling? How do I encourage students to enter on a path where they will be scrutinized and judged, and maybe beaten down, over the course of about 10 years (give or take)? How do I continue to encourage them to love what I love (and I do really love the literature of my specialization) and yet still give them the tools that I know they need to survive? How do I "keep it real" with them without bringing my own bullshit to the table?

You know, one thing actually does make me feel better about this conundrum. It's that I did manage to mentor a former student through a (very good) MA program, and that student made the choice to take a break from academia upon finishing the MA, in spite of the student's MA program's professors encouragement toward the Ph.D. This student may well end up returning to academia - in fact, I kind of expect that - but I think the fact that I continued to mentor the student did make a difference, and did make the student think that it was ok to try out something else for a bit, and even made that possible, actually, because the standard advice I give about grad school is to only go where one is funded, in addition to not going the straight Ph.D. route. Even in a very good program, it's easier to leave if it's not a straight Ph.D. program. If I know anything from my own grad school experience (I did an M.A. first, though many of my friends from my Ph.D. program didn't), I know that. And it's easier to leave if you haven't accrued a mountain of debt. So in other words, there may be hope for my current students yet.

So tomorrow will be a day of grading. The grading didn't happen so much today, though I feel ok about the fact that it didn't.

Coming up for Air

Hello!

I realize it's only been a couple of days since I've written, but it's been a good couple of days. All of the things that have been stressing me out are still there (it's not like they were going to disappear or something) but I am feeling infinitely more centered and ok. What has produced this?

1. I seriously just took the past couple of days for me. I didn't do work (although work looms and I've really got to get on the ball with the grading today, for I'm an idiot who procrastinates in ways that are not positive), but rather I just took some time to do things that make me happy.
2. What sorts of things, you ask? Well, I made a hair appointment for tomorrow, and yesterday I paid all of my bills, which then made me realize that I really could afford to take myself shopping.
3. So I went shopping yesterday afternoon. I bought myself: 1) a lovely new black leather purse, which I got on sale (orig. $138 bucks; I paid like $66, which is still more than I like to spend, but given my other buys I'm feeling quite virtuous, esp. as I really did need it), 2) a sweater (v. long, though, so really more of a sweater-dress, which will be great with leggings) on sale (orig. $45; I paid like $18); a skirt for which I paid $5.70 (orig. $40); and new sheets for my bed (orig. $70; I paid $21).
4. I then took myself to the bookstore, and I bought trash to read. Indeed, I've started reading the Twilight series, which felt like a good Halloweeny choice. And then I took myself to Panera for lunch, which felt like a huge treat since I've been avoiding eating out what with the fitness goals and all.
5. I also made a menu for this week, and I'll be going to the grocery store and cooking up delicious things over the next few days (new lentil soup recipe; a healthy version of homemade mac 'n cheese and homemade tomato soup; maybe a pot of chili).
   

So last night I came home from shopping and took a nice long, hot bath, made my bed with my new sheets, and I spent the night reading. And it was fan-freaking-tastic. I also spent some time writing in my journal over the past couple of days, and that's been good, too. All of this is to say, in sum, that I'm feeling like myself. The things that have been upsetting me aren't gone, but I don't feel like some crazy monster that I don't quite recognize, which was how I was feeling last week.

Here's the thing: I think a lot of why I've been upset has to do with two interlocking issues: 1) I'm not sure what's next for me, and I don't feel like I have much control over what's next, although obviously I do have control and it just doesn't feel like it because of the confluence of factors that go into succeeding in this profession, i.e., the fact that the whole thing is set up as this mysterious judging process, no matter how "transparent" people try to be, and when I feel like I'm being judged I don't respond terribly well, even though one would think that I'd be used to it by this point; and 2) I've really been questioning whether things I've assumed that I wanted or would want really matter to me in the long run, or how those things matter if they do, which of course is complicated by the out-of-control nonsense, because I can only take back control over my life if I know what I'm aiming for and what matters to me.

I've also determined that my go-to thing when I'm feeling like this is to become sort of defensive and disingenuous, which is a habit that I think I picked up in grad school and which is really not positive for me or for people around me. I think that I've been so worried about how other people perceive me that it's been a really long time since I've been totally honest with myself, which then, when I'm feeling insecure, spreads out into dishonesty with people around me. It's fine when I'm on a secure path (so not like I'm some sort of compulsive liar or something), but when I'm not, my go-to thing is to pretend everything's fine, while yet expecting everybody to know things aren't fine, which isn't necessarily a good thing for me or for the people in my life, because ultimately I can't keep up the pretense and so I freak out, taking everybody (including me) by surprise. Luckily, I've got people who really do love and support me and who see through this whole defensive and screwed up thing that I do, but I'd really like to be more aware that this is what I do and to try not to do it because I actually think that it takes me further from where I want to be in my life even though it feels like I'm protecting myself when I do it.

But so anyway, all of the above is to say that it's not been a dark weekend of the soul by any stretch, but rather that it's been a weekend where I let myself sort of put my angst on the back burner because the angst isn't actually me if that makes any sense. And I know that I'm being self-absorbed and annoying, but I think that this is a time where I need to be self-absorbed (and even annoying), because I need to remember who I am beyond all of this job-related angst and to be a lot nicer to that person than I typically tend to be.

So anyway, that's what's going on with me. Now I need to get started with my day.

This, Too, Shall Pass?

I've been an emotional wreck lately (nothing's actually "wrong" and I'm ok... just weepy and fly-off-the-handle-y and sort of raw feeling) and so I don't really have anything I feel like blogging about. I think I'm going to take a break this weekend and see where that leaves me.

The one thing that I will say is this: book publication + being in your tenure year can really fuck a person up. You think it's going to be all happy and whatever, and while it sort of is, it's also sort of horrifying on a really deep level (at least for me). Once I've processed how I feel about it all more I'll write something about it, but at this point, I don't even know where I'd begin. I'll say this, though: the horrifyingness of all this? Not unlike how I felt in the home stretch of my dissertation. And let's note that I was such a monster during that period that I ruined the relationship with the person with whom I was living and basically lost it for about a six month period. Let's hope that I'm not the same person that I was during that period of time and that I've grown at least a little bit.

Mmmm, Rest

Well, I was fast asleep by 10:30 last night, and I slept wonderfully well.

In addition, the kitties, who've been being real jerks of late, also were darling and slept well also, as opposed to trying to wrestle on top of me.

So today, I've got to work out (haven't for a few days, and that's not cool), grade (sigh), and teach. I don't think I have any meetings or anything, so that means that I can organize my day as I choose, other than that I really do have to accomplish work.

I wish my coffee were done. I am feeling quite impatient, what with all of the good rest energy.

Anyway, so that's what's ahead on this wednesday. More later, perhaps.

Hurrah! Unexpected Day Off!

Apparently it slipped my notice that my university has canceled classes for election day. An extra day! In which I can catch up on grading! Huzzah!

In other news, the book won't be out tomorrow but probably like a week from tomorrow. It's still in production. This actually makes me feel better, because I'm a ridiculous person.

I will also note that I'm feeling relaxed and tired. Perhaps tonight will be a night of sweet, sweet sleep.

When a "Good Sleeper" Has the Insomnia

I'm not prone to having trouble sleeping, typically. Typically, I put my head to the pillow and I'm immediately tired, and I go to sleep. If I'm feeling stressed, sometimes I need to clear my mind for maybe 10 minutes, but then I go to sleep. It has been this way for me since childhood.

But the past two nights.... Well, Sunday night I went to sleep just fine but I woke up after like 3 hours wide awake and had a really hard time falling back to sleep. Last night, I just couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't shut my brain off, and I got that tense feeling in my stomach that typically only happens when I'm freaking out about something. And then I finally fell asleep, but had the constant dreaming of anxiety that doesn't feel like rest.

Note: there is nothing to freak out about. In my brain, I know this. However, apparently my body doesn't know that this is true.

I only recall having trouble sleeping before in my life for any extended period of time when I was in the spring semester of my junior year in college. I was taking an overload, working either one or two jobs.... I can't quite recall. The point is, though, I went through about a two month period where I didn't sleep more than three hours at a stretch. It was totally not cool. Especially when I'm typically such a good sleeper, so on top of the being cranky and sleep-deprived, I'm also angry that I'm having the problem since sleeping is supposed to be easy for me.

So, why have I been having trouble sleeping? Well, I think (dumb though this is) that it's mainly the book. Knowing that it is coming out is really freaking me out. And then there's the whole "who am I and what shall I do now that I'm going up for tenure" thing. And then there's anxiousness about certain service things that are totally overwhelming me and that I want to get rid of but nobody seems to acknowledge that I really can't do everything, even when I say, blatantly, "you need to find somebody else to do this, because I'm overwhelmed and I can't do everything." The fact is, I've been ignoring the main one of these, because I truly don't have the time or energy even to deal with getting rid of it, but I think that ignoring it is actually causing me sleeplessness related to it. This week I have to hand it off. I cannot keep having it hanging over me. And I'm way behind on grading, and yes, there's just a lot that's making me feel all tense and sleepless, and yet also paralyzed to check things off the list so that I'm not tense and sleepless.

It really sucks.

RBOC: Grading

• All papers need a thesis statement. One that actually makes an argument and that demonstrates why that argument matters. It is best if that thesis statement actually connects to the body of one's paper.
• Quoting is great, but when more than half of a paper (think like 3 pages out of 5) is quotations, you need to quote less and write more.
• Not quoting is not an option, when you're writing about literary texts. Seriously.
  
• Dr. Crazy is made to cry by the writing that is characterized by the passive voice.
  
• Dr. Crazy also feels disingenuous about the choice of aspects that infer meaning. PRECISE LANGUAGE IS YOUR FRIEND. Imprecise language that sounds high-falutin' is the enemy. ALWAYS.
  
• Some of my students are really fucking brilliant. And some of them are amazing critical writers and thinkers. And some of them have clearly learned a ton in the first half of the semester. And some of them clearly worked very hard on this paper.
  

Two more papers to go (not counting the stragglers who didn't submit them in class, but those students will just have to wait).

Another Meme!

Thanks to Lesboprof for the tag....


THE FAVORITE MEME. Fill in your favorite for each of the following:

1. Political show Hmm. This is a tough one. It used to be Meet the Press when Tim Russert hosted. Now... I don't know. I suppose I watch a fair amount of The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer and Countdown with Keith Olberman.

2. Picnic food German Potato Salad.

3. Mixed drink I'm boring. Bombay Sapphire and Tonic. Or, if I'm feeling kicky, Jack and Coke.

4. U.S. President Seriously? It's probably Bill Clinton. This is not to say that I think that he was the best president, but I find him entertaining.

5. Kind of student to teach Students who aren't afraid to take risks that might make them look silly or not work out but that are original and might turn out to be really, really interesting.

6. Hobby you do or wish you still did I've never been much of a hobby person. I suppose the hobby that I actually do is to cook. I certainly devote more time to cooking than is technically necessary....

7. Sports commentator Don't really have one.

8. Sport to watch on TV Baseball. Which is also my favorite sport to watch in person.

9. Animal to have as a pet See, now this is a trick question. You'd think I'd say cats, yes? And I do love my particular cats. But if my lifestyle were different, I think I'd really like a dog. And how could I compare a dog to the cats? They'd just be different. And some people's cats suck, and I wouldn't want a sucky cat rather than a cool dog. So I suppose my answer to this question is that my favorite animals to have as pets are the ones that are actually my pets.

10. Halloween costume you have worn I'm really not a halloween sort of person. Even as a kid I wasn't really into it, and my costumes weren't terribly interesting (witch, scarecrow, princess). As an adult? Yeah, I don't really do Halloween.

11. Kind of dessert apple pie with homemade crust, which I have made.

12. Comic strip In olden times I was a huge fan of Marmaduke. I don't think I've read a comic strip in like 10 years or something.

13. Style or make of footwear Um.... anything ridiculously on sale that's comfortable? I've been wearing flats very like these ones religiously for like 6 months.... I got them on sale for 20 bucks.

14. Ice cream flavor Graeter's Black Raspberry Chip.

15. College or university president No idea. Mine's quite nice, but whatever.

16. Internet news source I look at the NYT online.... (Man, I suck with all of the news questions! Hard to believe that I once thought I'd be a journalist when I grew up. Perhaps I'm just not terribly interested in news?)

17. Vacation spot It's a tie: Lebanon or Italy.

18. Wine I am in no way a wine afficianado, but I typically like a dry wine as opposed to a sweet one. Chardonnay gives me a headache, always.

19. Way to waste time instead of working Ahem, blogging. Also talking on the phone.

20. Student excuse for late work I'm not much on the excuses. In fact, I clearly state that I don't want to hear them. This may be because my favorite excuse is one that I myself made up when I was a sophomore in college. I said that I hadn't been in class for two weeks, and I hadn't submitted work, because I had mono. Apparently I looked like shit (I'd been blowing off the class because I was doing work for other classes and working, etc.), for the instructor asked whether I was really well enough to have returned to class, and allowed me to turn everything in for full credit.

21. Reality show Project Runway

22. Jewelry on a man Cuff links? Yes, I'm going to go with cuff links.

23. Pizza topping In addition to cheese, I love a pizza with artichoke hearts, olives, saussage, and carmelized onions. Sweet, salty deliciousness. But if I had to choose one topping, I'd say cheese. It's just not pizza without cheese.

24. Children's movie Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Or Elf. Or the old classics The Wizard of Oz or The Sound of Music.

25. Celebrity you wish would retire God, I don't know. Paris Hilton would be the easy choice, but it's almost too easy. Same with Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag (aka "Speidi"). Basically anybody who has become a celebrity just for being out on the town as a citizen of "young Hollywood."


I don't know who to tag (I'm supposed to tag 8 people), so consider yourselves tagged if you need to procrastinate. I know lots of you would like to do so :)

Remember How I Said I Was Feeling Good But Boring? Yeah, Well, in My World, That's Often a Warning Sign

It's not that I haven't been feeling good and boring, but I suppose that I'm not altogether terribly comfortable with that particular combination of feelings. It usually means that I feel like I'm not doing anything that I care very much about, or like I don't actually have control over most parts of my life. So, although all would seem to be calm when I have the good but boring feelings, it is in fact true that it usually means a tantrum of some sort is brewing, to be unleashed at an unsuspecting person, for how could a person suspect what was coming when I've been so good but boring of late?

To make a long story short, yesterday I was a bit of a jerk, had a good cry, felt sorry for myself for nearly the entire day, and then slept horribly.

The good news is that I think I figured out that the problem is one of feeling like I'm not in control of my own life, and so what I really need to do is to start thinking about how I can feel more in control in more areas (a) and to start thinking about long-range things that I want to have in my life and how I need to use the things I can control to get those things (b). This won't fix everything, but it's a start.

In other news, Crazy does not do well with change - even change that isn't really a change of much of anything - at all. Not. At. All.

7 Things about Crazy

Indeed, 'tis a meme. Thanks to Caroline, who tagged me for it.

The rules:

• Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.

• Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.

• Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.

• Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Ok, first, before I begin, let me say this: I hate the whole tagging thing. So consider yourselves tagged if you'd like to participate, though especially Medusa, Maude, Maggie, Hilaire, Curmudgeon, New Kid, and Sisyphus. I'm not bothering to comment anywhere to alert people of this meme. I suck that way :)

So, 7 facts about me:

1. When I was three years old, apparently I announced far and wide that I'd like to be a cartoon when I grew up. Am now thinking this could have been a good option, as I feel like the profession of "cartoon" is much less cutthroat than the profession of "professor."
2. You know that episode of Seinfeld where they say it's impossible to perform the "roommate switch"? I totally accomplished that feat. Much to my detriment, but I did make it happen. Note: I never engaged in any sort of threesome.
3. I am weirdly mesmerized by the Gosselins.
4. You should all go buy The Breeders' latest album. It is awesome. In no small part because of this song.
5. One of my big claims to fame in high school was that I could hit the Mariah Carey high note in this song - see minutes 3:46-3:51 - (I was a first soprano in choir after all), but only when I was drunk.
6. My hair was never died (permanently) or even highlighted (other than with Sun-In) until I was in my 20's.
7. I had the opportunity to go see REM in concert when they were doing the Green tour (I was a freshman in highschool) and my mother wouldn't let me because I'd have been going (in a group - huff) with a boy who was a senior. I have never seen REM live, and I blame my mother. Obviously I can't have gone to see REM since then because I know (now) that Life's Rich Pageant was their best work, and so to do so would make me a poser. So indeed, my mother is to blame.
   

Operation Fitness, or, Feeling Centered and Good But Also Boring

I'm checking in with an operation fitness update because I just finished working out and as that is the main thing that I accomplished today, well, there you are.

Operation Fitness seems to be going really well. Here's what I've been doing:

1. I'm not really dieting. I still drink wine, I eat (and rarely feel hungry - only feel hungry when I stupidly forget to pack food for school or something), I've eaten cookies and chips (at our department meeting, without guilt). If you wanted to say I'm on a diet, you'd probably say I'm on phase 2 of the South Beach Diet, but I'm not thinking of it like that. Basically, I have cut out eating out, I've cut out sugar (except for that in fruit), I've cut out the potato (my nemesis), I've cut out processed foods. I am eating things like whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta, and brown rice. Sometimes, cooking involves butter, though only in very small quantities per portion. I aim to drink at least 32 oz. of water a day. Some days I drink more, some days only around 18 oz. I do still drink diet soda, but not much as if you're going to drink that much water, there's not much time left in the day for drinking pop. When I cook multi-serving things (which is, like, always), I put it away in single-serving-size containers. When I eat a meal, I eat it on a small plate or bowl, and I make myself wait 20 minutes before allowing myself to go back for more. If I feel hungry after 20 minutes, I go back for more. Usually I don't. What am I eating? Lots of veggies, lean meat/chicken, some (though not much - I've really cut back on this, I realize now) cheese (2%, or low-fat string cheese). Most frequently I snack on nuts (almonds most of the time).

2. Every day some form of physical activity, at least 30 minutes worth, is on the agenda, but probably 2 to 3 days a week it doesn't happen. And I've decided that's ok. Mostly I've been walking in my neighborhood (glorious fall weather), but also I've gone to the gym. Depends on my mood. I've noticed that even on the days that I don't work out I'm more active, whether it's being active by cleaning up around the house or cooking something complicated or whatever, but the point is, I'm not just lying on the couch all day.

And that's it. And the fact is, this is pretty much how it's going to have to be forever, because I'm not a teenager and the reality is that when you're not a teenager you can't just eat whatever you want and be a lazy non-active person and still fit into clothes you like. And thus far I've lost around 7 pounds.

But so anyway, it's nice to make that progress, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself of late. I'm also feeling good because Operation Get Out of Credit Card Debt continues in fine fashion, and I'm well on my way to being totally done with that by June. And I've got a couple of research things brewing, the teaching is going well, and I'm burdened with service, but well, so what? I'm squeezing in the service commitments when time allows and letting them slide when it doesn't. Because something has to give, and if it's going to be anything, it's going to be service.

But so all of this is making me feel pretty boring lately. There's no drama. No intrigue. No angst. Just taking care of business, feeling centered, feeling good. I know, don't borrow trouble, blah blah blah, but I'll talk to my friends and I feel like I've got nothing to say, nothing to analyze. This feels just... uncompanionable. It's like I've got nothing to bitch about. And, frankly, that's kind of annoying. It's also weird that I feel like nearly everybody in the whole world (exceptions: FB and my diss director, and you can feel free to make of that what you wish in regard to what it says about me and significant men in my life) is more excited about my book coming out than I am. I feel like, "So what? That's over with. What's the next thing?" Maybe I'll feel differently when I actually hold the thing in my hands (still haven't received my copies, must contact my editor), but at the end of the day, I find this whole "it's coming out" thing to be a total anticlimax.

But so anyway, the only thing I have to bitch about is that everything is just fine and dandy. I hate people like me :)

Classroom Management, Crazy-Style

In the comment thread to my recent post about a student who is inspiring loathing, Joanna wrote the following:

"I would be really interested to hear how you prevent students like this from completely taking over the class. And also, if you have any thoughts on how us poor trampled upon students can resist this behavior if the professor doesn't step up."

Rather than bury my answer in the comment thread, I thought I should make it a post of its own. Let me say first that when I was a student I really despised classmates who spoke in class but who really didn't contribute to the conversation, if that makes sense. It's not that these classmates of mine were always rude (they weren't) or that they did something that made the classroom a hostile space (they didn't). It's just that every time they spoke it's like they sucked all of the air and energy from the room. I think there are pretty clear ways that one should deal with rude students who make the classroom a hostile space, beginning with stopping that behavior immediately in class (typically, for the first time, with a bit of humor, and for the second time, sternly), moving on to having a private conversation with the student, and finally to getting administrators involved if things don't improve. I've taken these steps when it's been necessary, and I've got course policies that explicitly outline appropriate participation in discussion and interactive activities to back me up. In other words, when a student is truly out of line, I don't think it's necessarily that difficult to put a stop to the behavior with a minimum of fuss.

Things become murkier when we're talking about students who aren't truly out of line but yet who threaten to derail an otherwise great class just by their tone and their presence in the course. These students, to my mind, don't truly deserve to be punished by me or reprimanded by me for what they're doing.... but I do think I have to find ways to manage those students, for the benefit of the class as a whole but also for the benefit of the student who threatens to derail or to dominate. See, I think that students who engage in this sort of behavior (I almost wrote posturing) do so because it has worked for them in the past. This is how they've learned to stand out, and they don't have the self-awareness to understand that they aren't necessarily standing out in a positive way. I think that also some of this sort of behavior can be bound up in insecurity, which the student tries to counteract by being the loudest or most frequently heard voice in the room. I've had a fair share of this sort of student, and here's how I go about handling them.

[Aside: my class sizes are small, even the lower-level ones, and my teaching is oriented around discussion and getting students to interact more than anything else. I lecture infrequently, and even when I do lecture, I typically break up lectures into 10-15 minute increments interspersed with some discussion or with group activities.]

1. Such students typically come to my attention very early in a semester. While they don't usually do anything inappropriate (being rude to other students, etc.) they do typically offer a response to a question that I throw out to get discussion going that in some way challenges the premise of the question. Again, nothing wrong with doing that, on the surface. However, I learned early in my time on the tenure-track that if I took the bait and let the student direct the course of the conversation through that challenge that the other students in the class clammed up. And once that happened, the discussion got way off track, devolving into a conversation between me and that student, with the other students looking bored and/or annoyed. So now, when this sort of student presents that first challenge, I typically respond to it briefly, but then I return to my original question, explaining why I'm starting there, but insisting that we return to it. This sends a very clear message: Dr. Crazy is the sheriff in town, class, and she has reasons for what she does; it's my party, and I pick what's on the menu. I noticed once I started using this technique that the other students in the class quickly would raise their hands when the original question was posed the second time, and the discussion that would result was typically really great. And the challenging student? The challenging student would either decide to play nicely according to the rules that I set out, or they would at least shut up long enough for the other students to speak.

2. Such students also typically restate what other students have already said in discussion, or they will bring in outside material that has nothing to do with our topic for the day, as a way of attempting to dominate the discussion. My typical response to this tactic is to address it head on: "Yes, that is an interesting point; I believe that Sally said something similar 10 minutes ago. How would you build on what she said?" or "Yes, that is interesting information that you're bringing in. But how does it relate to Peter's comment that came just before yours about the poems that are on the syllabus for today?" You'll notice that I do continue to engage the student, asking a question in response to the comment that they made, but I also make it clear that I know that they were trying to take us off track. Moreover, I force the student to engage with the classmates who are also part of the discussion. The student needs to know that it's not just the two of us who are in the class and that I expect that students engage with one another as well as with me.

3. Sometimes, the student will just refuse to engage with a text period. Typical ways of doing this are "it's boring" or "I think any interpretation is valid because all interpretations are subjective" or "we're reading too much into everything." This typically results in what I now think of as my "anti-intellectualism" speech. I've given it a bunch of times now. Sometimes I'll pepper the speech with questions, too, in which I ask us to think about what it means when we say something is boring, or I ask students to explain why we bother reading if there's no point in interpreting. "Why are you in this class?" I have asked. Not in a "get out" sort of way, but as a real question. "Why are you here? Why am I here? What are we all trying to get out of this? Why do people read things that are 'boring'? Bother making interpretations if any interpretation is as good as the next? What's the point?"

4. Whatever the Potentially Dominating Student is doing, though, I make sure that I'm doing everything in my power to get other students talking. How? Sometimes this is one-on-one. A student comes to my office hours to talk about a paper, and they'll say something insightful. I ask them to bring that up in the next class. Or I'll just note in passing to a student who contributes infrequently that I really enjoy when they make comments, and I wish they were commenting more. Sometimes I make them do a small activity in groups, and then I focus discussion when we reconvene by questioning the individual groups. (When doing group stuff, you've got to move the PDS around, so no one group is stuck with her for the whole semester.) Sometimes I'll just say, if the PDS has been really the only one talking, that the PDS just can't comment for the next 15 minutes because the rest of the class isn't pulling their weight. (I don't only do this with PDS types of students; I also sometimes will do this with really great students who are carrying a class. It's important to note this because my students are used to me doing this, and it's very clear that it's not done in anger or to be mean to the student that I tell to let others speak.)

5. I try to establish a good rapport with the PDS, getting them to come to meet with me in my office about papers, giving them lots of feedback on written work, etc., because sometimes when they're more comfortable with me, the dominating behavior stops. Or, if it doesn't, I have enough a rapport that I can more easily talk to the student about why they're style is not working for the class as a whole.

And finally, sometimes, when all else has failed, I have found that a very pointed critique of something that the student says, in which I fully engage with whatever lame and yet pompous comment the student has made and yet also clearly demonstrate each and every one of the flaws in the student's comment, fixes the problem. Sometimes they need me to prove to them that I'm smarter than they are. This is totally the Option of Last Resort, and I don't like to do it, in part because I don't like to be The Enforcer in that way with my students and in part because it can freak the other students in the course out. Ideally, if I do all of the other stuff that I do to get the rest of the class really engaged and learning, one of the other students in the class does this and then that day becomes forever known as the Day of Liberation and the PDS is finished. Note: if a student does succeed in this feat, I do not allow the other students to cheer. That happened once, and I quickly put a stop to it. The point isn't to make the PDS feel bad: the point is to get the PDS to see that their point of view isn't always right, always the most important, always the only valid one.

But what if a professor doesn't see the PDS as having a negative influence on the class? Or what if they don't care? What can students do? Well, you can always talk to the prof. This doesn't always accomplish much, but it's worth a shot. It may well be that if the prof knows that others are bothered that the prof will then step up and do something to fix it. But the only other piece of advice I have is to raise your hands. If everybody else is making a concerted effort to talk, and to keep the discussion productive, that cripples the PDS. It can be useful to make a plan for how to do this with your classmates' prior to the class meeting. (I organized such a resistance effort once in a graduate seminar that I was taking.) If everybody just sits there rolling their eyes, well, to some extent, "everybody" is making their bed and has to lie in it. Let me emphasize, though, that I'm not saying that students are responsible if they're being victimized by a classmate. I think that is totally on the professor if that's going on. I'm just talking about how to handle a classmate that is irritating and making a class suck for you by being so irritating - not one who is abusive.

I'll close by noting that I'd targeted my PDS this semester as potentially disruptive in the first week. And I've been working to keep this student in check consistently to this point. What surprised me about the student comments in the past week or two was not that this student was a potential problem, but rather that the other students so actively didn't like PDS. The students who've brought PDS up did not do so in such a way that they were expressing a concern about how the course was going or about the level of respect in the class's discussions. No, the comments were more of the venting variety, like, "Wow, that person really sucks. I cringe every time that person even seems like s/he might speak." The comments didn't indicate that they feel silenced (and, dude, they shouldn't - all of these students participate up a storm), but rather that they wished they could silence the PDS - like forever.

My hope is that maybe I can make a dent in my PDS's armor, and get PDS to have some kind of epiphany where the PDS stops sucking so hard. I feel like that would be really cool, if it could happen. That said, I'll be happy even if that doesn't happen, because while I'm great and all, even I do not have the power to eradicate all suckiness in the world. Nah, I'll be happy if I can just keep on being aware that I need to be vigilant about the PDS, keep the class going smoothly with lots of participation from everyone, and keep things on track with our conversations in the class. Honestly, this has been one of the most rewarding teaching experiences I've ever had, teaching this class this semester. And my students - even the PDS - seem really to be digging it. That, at the end of the day, is what the whole thing is about, yes?

It's a Rainy, Cold, Yucky Sort of Fall Day

Which means that I'll be making some butternut squash soup, taking to my bed with some Virginia Woolf, and maybe, if I'm motivated, some grading.

Other than that, I've got nothing.

Edited to add:
This may seem radical, but I would, were it legal, marry the soup that I just made. I made some adjustments so my version is not nearly as decadent as the recipe actually calls for (Operation Fitness and all), but even with those adjustments, it is.... otherworldly. More than I ever thought a soup could be. I think I shall settle in and watch some daytime television while I enjoy my otherworldly soup. It's that sort of a day.

On Being Excited to Grade

It turns out that when I'm actually interested in what they're writing, I begin grading as soon as I'm done teaching. Even though I won't see those students again for 5 full days.

A certain student's paper has yet to be submitted, and that student did not attend class. I'll let you guess which student's paper that is.

Not Sure What to Title This

I have a weird situation in one of my classes. Well, I suppose it's not that weird. It's something that I remember from the student-perspective from grad school, but it's the first time that I've ever seen it in a class of mine from the other side of the desk (perhaps because I don't teach grad students?).

Let's say there's this student. This student thinks s/he is very, very bright. When this student speaks in class, there is a sort of adversarial, know-it-all quality to the comments. And the student is bright enough, I guess, but there are lots of bright students in the class, and the tenor of the other students' comments is typically much more productive and exploratory, which is what I aim for in generating discussion in my classes - not the whole adversarial thing. I'm not terribly bothered by the student - nothing so far has been inappropriate or uncool to other students in the course but rather just totally irritating - but over the past week it has come to my attention that many of the other students in the course loathe this student. Enough that they have begun to make comments to me indicating the loathing.

Now, I'm not sure there is anything that I need to do about this. I don't let the student dominate discussion (though I get the impression that if I did allow that then the student would, and so perhaps some of the loathing of the other students comes from the fact that they have other classes with this student where that is happening), but it's so weird because I remember feeling that kind of loathing, and I think a lot of it came from feeling like I couldn't believe that the professor didn't see through the blowhard student, see that the student wasn't so great but rather that the student was a bully. The thing is, I see that the student is a bully, and I don't think the student is so great. But at the same time, I think that students like that sometimes need to learn the hard way that they're not so great, and that involves giving them enough rope so that the other students will hang them.

But here's the thing: when I was a student, I always quietly seethed about this kind of student, and I never would have dreamed of expressing my feelings openly. And so it's weird that I'm getting the feedback from a variety of other students in the class. They're not complaining.... it's more like they'll just make a comment that's sort of joky but that indicates deep dislike, almost like they want me to know that they feel sorry for me that I have to deal with the student, and also to know that they aren't like that student. I've been very diplomatic in not really responding to these comments, doing a sort of nod-then-change-the-subject thing, but I'm finding it interesting, and it will be interesting to see how things play out through the second half of the semester, particularly with the material in this particular course, which may well give the other students the ammunition and fortitude to slam the know-it-all one.

So have you ever experienced this with your students? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not already doing so that the just-beneath-the-surface loathing doesn't become out-and-out warfare? (Note: I don't really think that it will become warfare - this class is filled with really smart, thoughtful students who aren't types who'd typically lose it with this sort of student. But then that is why it's weird that they're indicating this hostility to me, too - normally, they'd not do that.)

Hostile Students: In Which I Continue to Procrastinate by Answering a Reader Question

Oh, today has been a day of bargaining with myself, it surely has, and in which the grading has not gone according to plan. See, I remembered I'm giving a test in my class tomorrow (I can surely finish up grading their papers in there!) and that I have to meet with some students hours before that (surely I can do the other class's grading during the downtime!) and that I can easily complete basic grading for the other class by tonight's deadline without actually offering substantive comments on one of the assignments (It's only worth 3% and they have until the end of the semester to do the revisions based on my comments!). In other words, I'm an idiot. But so let me get to the question.

Adjunct Whore writes:

"i was seriously hoping that you would, or could, or had an inclination to comment about strange encounters with hostile male students."

I've been thinking about this since I saw the comment. It's not that I haven't had hostile male students. I surely have. But I don't think I've actually had many "strange encounters" with them. I surely have had male students who've pushed boundaries, in some way or another. I've surely had male students who revealed their hostility on course evaluations, even though they were silent and brooding throughout the semester and kept their hostilities in check until they could castigate me anonymously. But typically, my strangest encounters have actually been with female students. They are the ones who have, historically, left me stymied or uncomfortable or at a loss or just angry. But before I get to those, let me get to the "hostile male students" question.

First, my male students (hostile and non-hostile) typically come in two particular forms:

1. The traditional male college student. Subsets of this include weird and outcast sort of students, hipster sort of students (typically in bands), nerdy and not-quite-hip boys who are really freaking smart, frat-boy sort of students and their close cousins, conservative sorts of students who just didn't happen to join fraternities.
   
2. The non-traditional (usually much older than me) male college student. They're all typically married with kids and take everything very seriously. There are also some weirdos, but they are typically harmless.

I've only had hostility expressed directly (and strangely) by traditionally aged male students. (This isn't to say that I haven't been challenged by non-traditional male students, but typically if I meet the challenge, they decide I'm ok and are among the best students I've ever had.) The traditionally aged male students, though....well, when they've directly expressed hostility, it's been in the following ways:

• Writing weirdly sexually objectifying papers about women, in an attempt to bait me into proving that I hate men.
• Challenging my grading, insisting that they know more about writing papers than I do.
• Refusing, after repeated kind, and then not-so-kind, reminders to call me anything other than "Miss" or "Mrs." Crazy, or in the worst cases by my first name, or even "sweetheart" in one memorable instance.
  
• Open rudeness in class, and open hostility in class, when I correct them or ask them to support their assertions.

The thing is, usually after I grade them, or after I shut them down in class, they just become silent and surly. I've never had a hostile male student directly threaten me or go to my chair about me, write me an inappropriate email or confront me in office hours. They either drop my classes, or they write horrifying comments (feminazi, bitch, whore, not qualified to teach because she's a feminist) on their evaluations of me. I do a fair amount of hand-written assignments in all of my classes, so I can tell you that those sorts of comments have only come from the frat boy/conservative types and the weirdos. And those particular students (not all or even most of the male students in those categories) were horrifying to the women in the course as well - this sort of attitude was not reserved solely for me. The hipsters? Those boys who wear smurf-style hats and band t-shirts and flannel? As a rule they totally dig me. As do the nerdy not-quite-hip boys.

In part, I think that I've been very lucky that I haven't had any directly intimidating or strange encounters with these hostile students. I in no way think that I'm immuned to such a thing happening. But I also think that the sort of (male) student who is hostile to me is also hostile because everything about who I am is intimidating to him. I think that I haven't faced direct confrontations in large part because they don't know what to do with a person who doesn't respond at all to their efforts to intimidate or to belittle, or who doesn't respond in the ways that they're used to women responding. So either they withdraw from my courses, or they lie in wait until they can fuck me over on course evaluations. Our (fucked up) evaluations leave ample room within which they can do this. And yes, it has hurt my numbers. But it hasn't hurt my feelings. I'd rather they think that I'm a bitch than that they can steamroll me. If they stayed in the course, I figure it's because they were learning something in spite of their hatred of me.

As I noted, however, I've experienced much more... consternation... about the hostile female students whom I've encountered. Without exception, these have been non-traditional female students (either of around my age or older), and these students have, typically, had absolutely no respect for me or for my authority as the professor of the course in which they have enrolled. They have been overtly (as opposed to subtly) disruptive in class; they have been openly hostile to me in office hours; they have failed to follow directions or course policies, and have demanded that I make exceptions to those directions and policies for them; they have complained to my chair about me; they have accused me of trying to stop them from making better lives for heir families; they have called me racist; they have called me a know-it-all, who "just doesn't understand" their take on the material because I'm "not a mother"; they've called me a lesbian, or claimed that I gave them a poor grade because I'm bitter because I "can't get a man."

I should note that I've had some great non-trads who are women, and who have done excellent work in my courses and who have earned exceptionally good grades. A lot of the hostile female students' responses seem to have a lot to do with the fact that they think that because I'm a woman that I should cut them special slack, or that I should "be understanding" when they don't do their work. Honestly, I'd rather have an aggressive male student write a paper about women's breasts and how it's a woman's "natural" role to serve men and call me a whore on his evaluation of me, while yet he follows the course policies to the letter, than deal with a female student in office hours who claims that the fact that we both have vaginas means that I should throw my course policies out the window, or that because I'm not a mother that I don't have the authority (with a terminal degree in the field) to evaluate her interpretation of a literary text. Also, I have a lot more patience with a fucked up male student who has internalized patriarchal attitudes (haven't we all?) than with a fucked up female student who uses my feminism against me and who tells my chair that I've discriminated against her, when I've followed policies of which she was aware from the first day of class and when those policies have been applied equally to every other person in the course.

I will say, the accusations that I'm a "man-hating feminist" on evaluations from those hostile male students are hilarious to me, when the majority of them have done far better in my courses than those hostile female students who think I'm supposed to give them an A just because they are women.

But so, if I have any tips for dealing with hostile students, of whatever the gender or persuasion, here are my tips:

1. Have strong course policies, and follow your syllabus to the letter. Build in enough flexibility that you never go against your own policies (for example, rather than saying "no late papers ever, even if your house burns down" [because surely if a student's house really did burn down you'd go against that rule], be clear that a late paper for any reason carries a certain penalty) and that some things are up to you ("You can request an extension, but only in x circumstances, and it's my prerogative to say no if you don't have a draft, etc."), but in general, don't be terribly flexible ("As long as you email me before the paper is due with any excuse, I will give you an extension with a negotiable deadline and you can receive full credit on the assignment") and don't make exceptions to stated rules. Don't change when things are due, and don't offer leniency in public and explicit ways. Sure, this is legalistic and annoying, but it goes a long way toward stopping complaints before they gain any traction.
   
2. Conduct as many transactions via email as possible with hostile students. A written record means that you have something to show higher ups if that time comes. (This has saved me more than once.) It gives you a leg to stand on. Also, it keeps you out of personal interactions with potentially dangerous people.
   
3. Know your shit. If they spot a weakness, they'll exploit it. If you show a clear command of the course material, a command stronger than anything they can come up with, that goes a long way to shutting them down when they challenge you. And "shutting down" doesn't need to be aggressive - it can be subtle and funny and kind. The point is, you need to shut down students who are trying to fuck the class up.
4. With that being said, you can't please all the people all of the time, and it's better to make a disruptive student feel bad than to ruin a whole course by accommodating somebody who's tryng to sabotoge you and the course. The good students will hate you, too, if you don't shut the bad eggs down (something I only learned in my first semester on the tenure track, even though I'd already felt it when I was a student).
5. If you feel threatened by a student, only agree to meet with that student with another person (preferably your chair or another authority figure like a dean) present.

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful, or if what I've written speaks to AW's concerns. But that's my experience in dealing with hostility. Do my faithful readers have anything to add?