tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post8974058709746422592..comments2024-01-28T03:35:51.182-05:00Comments on Reassigned Time: Bad NewsDr. Crazyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12457967076373916629noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-36171192171077309662008-12-16T17:45:00.000-05:002008-12-16T17:45:00.000-05:00Just getting caught up on blogs, so this is much l...Just getting caught up on blogs, so this is much later than it should've been. Sorry to hear this; I'll keep you all in my thoughts.Dr. Curmudgeonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17311538014480815090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-37857426288264185582008-12-12T22:23:00.000-05:002008-12-12T22:23:00.000-05:00take care. thinking about you. my mom's twin died ...take care. thinking about you. my mom's twin died pretty suddenly with pancreatic cancer, so my sense is colored with urgency.timnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01985699859449138316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-3413535522950588892008-12-12T17:57:00.000-05:002008-12-12T17:57:00.000-05:00I am really sorry, Dr. C. Sending good thoughts y...I am really sorry, Dr. C. Sending good thoughts your way for as much peace as possible in a very difficult situation.Rokeyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01342655752088894760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-8432402660784138842008-12-12T11:02:00.000-05:002008-12-12T11:02:00.000-05:00I'm so sorry. It's just awful all around, for ever...I'm so sorry. It's just awful all around, for everyone.~profgrrrrl~https://www.blogger.com/profile/15280731948424317624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-10771301753498101892008-12-11T23:55:00.000-05:002008-12-11T23:55:00.000-05:00So sorry, Dr. Crazy.So sorry, Dr. Crazy.undinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05589384016564587214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-14188684783980127032008-12-11T22:52:00.000-05:002008-12-11T22:52:00.000-05:00God, Crazy, I'm so sorry. About all of this.God, Crazy, I'm so sorry. About all of this.AAYORhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17732111883355480840noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-45458728869658340122008-12-11T21:33:00.000-05:002008-12-11T21:33:00.000-05:00I'm so sorry, Crazy--I see from the next post that...I'm so sorry, Crazy--I see from the next post that your mother has come round a bit, and I hope she manages to turn around and help you through this. I'm so sorry.susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12000470374101306070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-67447433702061902952008-12-11T21:21:00.000-05:002008-12-11T21:21:00.000-05:00Oh, honey, I'm so, so sorry. Please take care of y...Oh, honey, I'm so, so sorry. Please take care of yourself and do what you need to do. Big hugs to you.New Kid on the Hallwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04982506415757771218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-21117314181756020562008-12-11T17:21:00.000-05:002008-12-11T17:21:00.000-05:00Oh, Crazy, honey. I'm so sorry. Do what you need t...Oh, Crazy, honey. I'm so sorry. Do what you need to do and what feels right with your dad, and forget about everyone else's bullshit. Time enough for that later.Flaviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17832765671541392835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-49149851015501636372008-12-11T16:47:00.000-05:002008-12-11T16:47:00.000-05:00I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It just...I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It just sucks. No other way to put it. I went through this about 6 years ago, and I still don't know how you say goodbye in this situation. I spent a lot of time grieving over a relationship that suddenly wasn't even a possibility. Sometimes saying goodbye to that possibility is the saddest part of all.Snarky Profhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01836934171207588376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-55955557070085516882008-12-11T16:35:00.000-05:002008-12-11T16:35:00.000-05:00Crazy, I'm so very sorry. May I second the notion ...Crazy, I'm so very sorry. <BR/><BR/>May I second the notion of a real letter for him to hold? It is what I regret most about losing my dad suddenly years ago. We had a fight, and he died the next day. <BR/><BR/>And don't answer your mother's phone calls right now, unless you're sure it's G. I love G, both from all your writing about him and because he's Lebanese. <BR/><BR/>Many hugs your way...Nopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03830669309065736579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-55796286953249427402008-12-11T15:44:00.000-05:002008-12-11T15:44:00.000-05:00I am really sorry, Crazy. This is seriously a bad ...I am really sorry, Crazy. This is seriously a bad damn day. <BR/><BR/>When my dad was dying of cancer at 54, our family was totally split. I was one of the few who wasn't really pissed at him. (At the funeral, when someone told my mom how sorry they were and what a great guy he was, she said angrily," Oh, yeah? Well, you didn't have to live with him." And my folks were still married when he died.) <BR/><BR/>I coped by avoiding the family members who were seriously pissed, sought out friends and loved ones who got it for processing and support, I cried when I needed to, and made my peace with him the best I could. It sounds like you are doing much the same. <BR/><BR/>And fuck your university. Damn.<BR/><BR/>I hope you get whatever support you need--from kitties and others. Don't forget to ask for what you need. You are precious.<BR/><BR/>Hugs.Lesboprofhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09249806181782620274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-36786325348261239962008-12-11T14:30:00.000-05:002008-12-11T14:30:00.000-05:00Oh, Crazy, I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry about your ...Oh, Crazy, I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry about your mum, too. I am just so happy for you that you have such lovely friends. <BR/><BR/>Take care, and I'm thinking of you.Hilairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09033740943173352249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-81027770144246124282008-12-11T13:59:00.000-05:002008-12-11T13:59:00.000-05:00Oh, I'm so sorry -- a death from cancer is hard an...Oh, I'm so sorry -- a death from cancer is hard anyway, without the messed up family things. I can't get my head around your mother being angry that your father is dying at the same time as your uncle. I think the fact that you have made your peace with the past is really important for you, and I'm glad you have people who put you first. <BR/><BR/>It's not really relevant here, but my favorite line about difficult fathers comes from JFK. Apparently at some point he was asked about some of his father's less salubrious business deals, and he said "Well, we all have our fathers". My mother gave me that gift when I was struggling with my father and semi-estranged from him.<BR/><BR/>Meanwhile, I can't believe your university didn't get (a) how expensive permissions can be and (b) how important they are. <BR/><BR/>I hope the kitties were very nice to you and that you could have alcohol and/or chocolate. . .Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09716705206734059708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-14104113496497840112008-12-11T13:37:00.000-05:002008-12-11T13:37:00.000-05:00God, I'm sorry, Crazy. Take good care of yourself,...God, I'm sorry, Crazy. Take good care of yourself, and surround yourself only with the people who will also take good care of you.Kendra Leonardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08887455908288484306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-35454814639311978552008-12-11T13:04:00.000-05:002008-12-11T13:04:00.000-05:00That's really hard. Take care.That's really hard. Take care.Arbitristahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14090122079098885856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-15929280668146155702008-12-11T12:45:00.000-05:002008-12-11T12:45:00.000-05:00I'm so sorry!!!!! Do whatever you need to do to t...I'm so sorry!!!!! Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself right now. Snuggling with kitties sounds like a good start.k8https://www.blogger.com/profile/07547334819703279971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-71227147426986222932008-12-11T12:40:00.000-05:002008-12-11T12:40:00.000-05:00I'm sorry, Crazy. Truly sorry. You're in my though...I'm sorry, Crazy. Truly sorry. You're in my thoughts today and going forward. <BR/><BR/>And you're right, of course, to focus on what YOU need and feel and want right now, and on your Dad. Anybody who doesn't understand and support that needs to get out of your way. <BR/><BR/>The rest of us can write cheerful blog entries for awhile, and you can come read ours. <BR/><BR/>Hang in there. <BR/><BR/>Ginny WoodVirginia S. Wood, Psy.D., Instructorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04482719649602902058noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-85871156413621872152008-12-11T12:38:00.000-05:002008-12-11T12:38:00.000-05:00Thanks, everybody. Your support really does mean ...Thanks, everybody. Your support really does mean so much.<BR/><BR/>I feel like total shit. Got an email from my mother in which she complained that my father having cancer takes away from the fact that my uncle's dying, too. Like it's a competition or something. And like my dad is some sort of spoiler by having a terminal illness. She actually said, "I just feel like he always rains on our parade." Seriously.<BR/><BR/>And then apparently she notified my cousin Gina (with whom I'm not at all close) about what's happening, apparently because Gina had a fraught relationship with her father and he, too, died. Clearly I'd like to discuss this with somebody who knows me less well than the people who read my blog know me. Clearly. <BR/><BR/>You know, I really think that my mom should quit while she's ahead.<BR/><BR/>I'm really, really angry, and I'm really fucking sick of feeling like I have to worry about how other people feel. <BR/><BR/>Oh, and in other news, I did not get the money I applied for to offset the costs for securing permissions for the book. Apparently this wasn't considered "worthwhile" use of university funds. I would like to punch my entire university in the face.<BR/><BR/>On that note, I think it's best if I cancel my office hours and go home to be with kittens.Dr. Crazyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12457967076373916629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-67741374082612449932008-12-11T12:32:00.000-05:002008-12-11T12:32:00.000-05:00Hey Crazy,This is coming from someone who really, ...Hey Crazy,<BR/><BR/>This is coming from someone who really, truly does get it, as I have a eerily similar situation. The only difference is with my Mom, who actually always manages to take the high road, and the biological Dad baggage is burdened further by his psychological verbal, and physical abuse during my childhood. All that said, I get it, and I'm sorry the weight of all this is on your shoulders. The fact that you've already made your peace with the past is a huge step, and that may be all your dad needs or wants to know right now. That you've forgiven (if not forgotten), that you're still his child, and that you love him and won't let him die without knowing these things.<BR/><BR/>Hold on tight to those who are helping you cope with this, and try to be patient with those like your mom, who aren't yet strong enough to let go of the past. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, and I hope your dad's time left is as comfortable as possible.<BR/><BR/>peaceAcadeMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15510282285225998011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-41417730751202129782008-12-11T12:07:00.000-05:002008-12-11T12:07:00.000-05:00Oh Crazy, so sorry to hear this. You're getting go...Oh Crazy, so sorry to hear this. You're getting good advice here and, it sounds like, from G. Good luck---<BR/>((((vibes))))CFoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09835203069006875510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-40675741724668670372008-12-11T11:54:00.000-05:002008-12-11T11:54:00.000-05:00I too am sorry. And prayers and blessings.I too am sorry. And prayers and blessings.the rebel lettristehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08369013300190217105noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-26406457717211004222008-12-11T11:44:00.000-05:002008-12-11T11:44:00.000-05:00I'm so sorry. It is good you have the chance to ta...I'm so sorry. It is good you have the chance to talk to him. It would have been more horrible otherwise. I hope he knows how great you are--it sounds like he has an inkling.Nikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15795554401570611521noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-36924779984956878162008-12-11T11:38:00.000-05:002008-12-11T11:38:00.000-05:00Pancreatic cancer is a real short straw. One of m...Pancreatic cancer is a real short straw. One of my grandfathers died from it (29 years ago). It's a very painful disease, so I'm happy to hear he's got good drugs. It sounds like you've been a good daughter to him, but I'm sure it's difficult to think of this chapter of your life closing so suddenly.Historiannhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10615954696251174822noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20099192.post-87084688513450634602008-12-11T11:33:00.000-05:002008-12-11T11:33:00.000-05:00I'm so sorry too! I lost my father to cancer sever...I'm so sorry too! I lost my father to cancer several years ago, after a few years of estrangement. After the fact, I was very thankful that we were able to reconnect before he died, and that we were both able to tell each other that we loved each other, despite all the bullshit that had gone before. It was hard to see him suffer the way he did, but at least we made peace, and I was able to say goodbye. You will be able to do that, too, and while it won't make his dying easier, maybe it will make coping with his death easier. {{{{hugs}}}}<BR/>BarbUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09861393242904676605noreply@blogger.com